"So you told me this wall-crawling, web-spinning, wise-cracking, wire-walking masked menace is actually some kind of hero," J. Jonah Jameson spat. "Well, if so... Why does he wear a mask? You know who wears masks? Criminals, that's who. Q.E.D. Now get out of my office. Do you even work here? Brant, get me my coffee!" Peter Parker may not be a criminal (unless you want to get technical about certain anti-vigilantism laws), but the full-body concealment a Spider-Man costume offers may be a temptation to others. How else can we explain the rash of Spider-Man-suited criminals running through highly populated areas in the last seven years? It's not like Spider-Man 3 was a good enough movie to inspire anyone to cosplay as "Symbiote-Controlled Jerk Peter Parker." Maybe they're just writing their own "What If" comic instead. "What if Spider-Man lost all his powers and most of his intelligence?" "Spider-Man Holds Up Convenience Store" makes as great a headline for any real-life paper as it does for The Daily Bugle, so every time someone thinks it'd be a good idea to commit crimes in a costume that severely limits their field of vision, you can be sure someone will write an article about it. The worst offenders are all here, in this Spider-suited hall of shame.
T Campbell has written quite a few online comics series and selected work for Marvel, Archie and Tokyopop. His longest-running works are Fans, Penny and Aggie-- and his current project with co-writer Phil Kahn, Guilded Age.
