The PG certificate of Jaws has always struck many as a strange decision, due to its frightening suspense and gory shark attacks.

Now, 37 years since its original release, the BBFC have granted Jaws a 12A certificate for its upcoming theatrical re-release.

Steven Spielberg’s classic thriller about a great white shark which terrorises a small beach community, was first released uncut in 1975 with an ‘A’ certificate – which meant that the film may be unsuitable for younger children. Following its theatrical release, Jaws was then later certified as ‘PG’ for all subsequent releases on VHS and DVD.

Although it might seem unusual for a film to have its certification upped to a higher rating, this certainly isn’t the first time the BBFC have done so. Just last year a theatrical re-release of Ghostbusters was also raised from a PG to a 12A due to sexual innuendo – or to be more precise, the scene in which a ghost fellates Dan Aykroyd.

In the case of both Jaws and Ghostbusters, no certificate existed between PG and 15 at the time of their original releases, meaning that many films were released with a lower classification by default. With the advent of the 12 certificate, many classic films now have access to a more suitable rating – providing they are supplied to the BBFC for re-classification.

Interestingly, the incredibly brutal Watership Down (aka The Hampshire Bunny Massacre) retains its U certificate, and is set to traumatise children for years to come.

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Jaws is re-released in selected cinemas on June 15^th.

[Source: BBFC]

Robots are a thing of the future, a dream of mankind: to create a machine designed to serve and also, in most cases, a machine that looks like a human too. Robots, AI and androids are all essentially human personalities in a mechanical body. They are a subject often explored by other mediums; in film, books and television. But what about gaming, the newest of the mediums–which are the greatest robots in gaming?

Well, here’s WhatCulture’s list, so lets find out:

15. Metal Sonic

Metal Sonic! He's Like Sonic But Metal! And Evil

Not the only evil robot on this list, Metal Sonic was created with the sole responsibility of destroying his organic counterpart. First appearing in Sonic CD, he’s been a persistent feature in the series. Created by the dastardly longterm foe Dr. Eggman, he’s pretty much the same as Sonic but in robot form. He looks the same and has similar moves.  There isn’t much to him other that he is evil and wants to kill Sonic, but this makes for some great gameplay. Plus, he’s easy to remember compared to all the other swarms of Sonic characters.

14. Claptrap

How Could People Hurt This Helpful Little Fellow

CL4P-TP General Purpose Robots are usually known by their more common name; Claptraps are robots from Borderlands. Despite having a name that sounds like a sexual infection, they are quite useful. The friendly one wheeled guys are often used as targets, which they complain about. This means that the player must find a way to fix them, but this work is rewarded in various ways. These guys also conveniently block the pathways between locations until certain missions are completed. These guys even star in their own DLC add-on to the original game in the form of Borderlands: Claptrap’s New Robot Revolution, so they must be getting something right.

Book: 

Written By: Landry Q. Walker

Pencils By: Eric Jones

Publisher: Image Comics

Release Date: OUT NOW IN STORES & DIGITAL DOWNLOAD (VIA COMIXOLOGY)

Rating: 

I’ve been waiting for this one. Issue #1 of Danger Club was a hell of an opener and here in issue #2 , Landry Q. Walker takes us to more new places with only the slimmest of connection to what we say in the first issue. Opening with a speech from a previous “American Spirit” who is now an elderly man speaking out against the ‘Sidekicks” and their antics, we are greeted with such a “WTF??!” moment on page two that you’ll find yourself locked in to the rest of the fairly loose issue because of it.

Kid Vigilante leads newly introduced Ladybug into his hidden lair and reveals a secret to her that could explain the WTF moment later on but for now it just adds intrigue. Then we cut across to the robot fighting girl from issue #1 , Yoshimi Onomoto flying through the city (full of flying cars and giant robots by the way) and get a whole balls out battle with her and some kid officials in giant robot suits like it’s an everyday occurance. This element is a lot of fun but it’s the Kid Vigilante, who feels even more like a Robin/Nightwing character here than he did in the previous issue that provides the mystery as to what is going to happen next.

There’s a real human side to Kid Vigilante shown in this issue and his acknowledgement of what happened with Apollo last issue turns into a much deeper incident than we first thought given the few lines of choice dialogue and how its placed. There’s also a real sense we’re living in an almost post apocalyptic situation, except the disaster is one that’s devastated the people left behind rather than society as  whole… for now at least. There’s a real sense of history here with very little indeed and in a sort of Watchmen way plays into what we know of superheroes and uses it very well for it’s own needs, without playing it for laughs or the highlighting more absurd qualities of the genre.

Once again the art here is great and Danger Club already feels established with its mix of styles both in its dramatic and outlandishly big action sequences as they rub of against each other effortlessly. This issue wasn’t quite as impactful as the first but it offers a more emotional flavour to the story and once again I feel like I’ve known these characters longer than just two issues. I want to see what happens next and where this WTF moment comes into the grand scheme of things. This new title is still an impressive one and hopefully next month will tighten the focus on what lies in store for its future.

Book: 

Written By: Judd Winick

Pencils By: Guillem March

Publisher: DC Comics

Release Date: OUT NOW IN STORES & DIGITAL DOWNLOAD (VIA COMIXOLOGY)

Rating: 

From the first issue in the new DC 52, Catwoman stuck out my favourite of the entire new DC catalogue. I adore Guillem March’s work and feel his depiction of Catwoman is already in the Top 5 versions of her ever. The madness in her eyes, the fractures in her character and her just plain stunning good looks capture Catwoman perfectly and that along with the colours by Tomeu Morey, which are oddly satisfying in their style just makes Catwoman stand apart as her own thing in the DC 52 and often even within the Bat-family titles.

Anyway, with the last few issues of Catwoman being drawn by a different artist and the Scott nyder’s Batman work winning DC’s monthly best reads, I’d forgotten how much I liked Catwoman’s book a little I think but this new issue which opens with a 1665 flashback, in which we meet a new Owl with a name “Ephraim Newhouse” as well as a story about how he lost his honour with the Court of Owls. There’s a real sense this isn’t just another Owl assassin story but the birth of a villain that could very well return to the Bat-books and this just makes this entire Catwoman issue feel more than just another part in the Night of the Owls

Anyway, this Owl’s target is The Penguin and in a wonderful character driven move, Catwoman gets involved with saving the waddling Gotham mob boss. Of course this story still wanders down ‘The Terminator’ route but this is much more akin to something like Frankenstein. A broken figure who you actually begin to feel for. This theme has been skimmed across in previous Owl stories but man alive this one hit the mark. Catwoman’s dealing with this Owl feels so much more than what we’ve seen in the Bat-family spin off stories in this crossover event and I never expected to feel the sadness this story generated mid crossover.

This issue looks amazing, has more than a handful of great ‘moments’ in the action and dramatic arenas and this new take on Catwoman continues to impresses even when it could quite as easily have been a filler story while DC.

Book: 

Written By: Duane Swierczynski

Pencils By: Travel Foreman

Publisher: DC Comics

Release Date: OUT NOW IN STORES & DIGITAL DOWNLOAD (VIA COMIXOLOGY)

Rating: 

Night of Owls picks up again for week three with Bird of Prey. Giving us a few pages grace from Batgirl after her own tussle with an Owl assassin last week, we literally find Katana and Canary mid fight with their own Owl and it doesn’t look like it’s going well. Ivy is potentially dead. Canary looks rattled and when this Owl takes a Canary scream straight in the chest without much of a issue the Terminator style this Owl that we also saw in Batman and Robin #9 last week continues.

We get a look into how this Owl assassin sees his prey and they seem to be like visions from his past. We even get an insight into his thoughts, which makes this Owl quite interesting as well but it’s when the mask comes off and we see the man behind the mask where this tussle with the unstoppable owl becomes more like a horror story. His ghostly design is dead creepy and makes the threat of him even more as he pursues the Birds of Prey. Batgirl arrives with a plan and of course this plays out much akin to the other Bat-family titles and their run in with the Owls but the structure of this one was a little fresher and Travel Foreman’s artwork keeps everything kinetic and lively capturing those small moments of shock as the Owl threatens the Birds.

This was a solid issue but offers nothing in the way of progression. It sort of feels like a filler episode a little and with no other Birds of Prey issues in this Night of the Owls run I doubt we’ll see much of a follow up to the events here even if what happened to Ivy seems to warrant some knock on effects.

In a previous article I examined how Star Trek: The Next Generation began to address the topic of terrorism in the show. By the mid-1990s the theme became much more prominent just as Americans confronted it more and more at home and abroad. When Deep Space Nine (DS9) premiered in 1993 two years after Gene Roddenberry’s death, producers chose to portray a darker and more complex world, in contrast to Next Generation’s optimistic outlook.

DS9 depicts a sympathetic Bajoran society which engaged in terrorism to resist the Cardassian occupation of its home world. At first, the Federation appears as a mere bystander that is indirectly affected by terrorism, but as the series evolves the Federation becomes increasingly enmeshed in the terrorist activities of other species as well as its own citizens.

In one of the series’ first terrorism episodes, “Past Prologue” (1993), Commander Sisko rescues Tahna, a friend of Major Kira who like Tahna was once active in the Bajoran underground. In pursuit of Tahna, the Cardassians  hail Sisko and demand that he turn him over to them, claiming that Tahna is a member of a Bajoran terrorist group called the Khon–Ma. Tahna, however, renounces terrorism and requests asylum, and thanks to Kira’s impassioned plea to a wary Sisko, he receives it.  Kira soon discovers that Tahna plans to blow up the wormhole and thus make Bajor less desirable to both the Cardassians and the Federation. Kira foils this plan, but wonders whether she actually helped or betrayed her people.

“Past Prologue” plays on the natural sympathy for the Bajorans as victims of the aggressive and brutal Cardassians to address the ambiguous nature of terrorism.  Viewers are left to decide whether Tahna is a freedom fighter or a terrorist.  In these early episodes, Star Trek portrays terrorism as a dilemma that largely affects other species, and showed the Federation as attempting to remain above the fray in ways that mirrored the American public’s mindset during the early 1990s.  More often than not Americans believed that terrorism involved other nations mostly located in Europe and the Middle East. Like Starfleet, Americans found it nearly impossible to appear as a disinterested or neutral party.

Late in its second season, the two-part DS9 episode, “The Maquis,” marked a shift in Star Trek’s depiction of terrorism: instead of showing the Federation and Starfleet as innocent bystanders, now they were increasingly portrayed as the targets of a home-grown terrorist group called the Maquis. The Maquis are Federation-born colonists who fight the Cardassian occupation of their homes in the Demilitarized Zone after their colonies were ceded by the Federation to the Cardassian Union in the Treaty of 2370. Starfleet Command considers the Maquis to be traitors, while Cardassian officials proclaim them terrorists. When the Cardassian freighter Bok’Nor explodes while departing Deep Space Nine, Lieutenant Dax determines that a bomb placed aboard the ship caused its destruction. Federation officials dispatch to Deep Space Nine Sisko’s old friend Lieutenant Commander Carl Hudson to mediate the brewing conflict. Hudson explains to Sisko that the colonists, who now suddenly live in Cardassian territory due to the treaty, feel abandoned by the Federation.

When Gul Evek, the Cardassian attaché for the Demilitarized Zone accuses Federation colonists of “organized terrorist activities” against Cardassians, Sisko replies that “the Federation does not conduct secret wars.” Evek then produces a coerced confession from a Federation citizen who admits responsibility for bombing the Bok’Nor. Hudson quickly proclaims the Federation colonists’ right to defend themselves against Cardassian oppression.  Hudson soon tells Sisko he is leaving Starfleet to work with the rebels because he believes Cardassiais violating the Federation treaty by smuggling weapons into the Demilitarized Zone.

To end this conflict, Sisko joins with his Cardassian nemesis, Gul Dukat, to stop both the Cardassian smuggling and the Maquis attacks. The two-part episode culminates when Sisko prevents a Maquis attack on a Cardassian weapons depot, but in doing so he lets Hudson escape. The Maquis storyline allowed Star Trek’s creative staff to explore the thorny complexity of terrorism, including the role of third-party supporters and emerging right-wing domestic terrorism within the United States.  A sub-plot of “The Maquis” episode involved outside groups aiding both sides of the Cardassian-Maquis conflict.  Star Trek’s writers did not have to look far for this plot since by the 1990s Americans were well aware that outside parties armed terrorist groups like Irish-American support for the Irish Republican Army in Northern Ireland.

Terrorism by Federation colonists, however, also resembled domestic terrorism that threatened the United States experienced during the 1990s.  Bloody clashes between federal government officials and right-wing extremist group, like the 1992 shoot-out between white supremacist Randy Weaver and the federal agents at Ruby Ridge in 1992 to the tragic conflict with the apocalyptic Branch Davidians dominated newspaper headlines in the first half of the 1990s. Complaints of an expanding powerful federal government that to some seemed to have ceded American independence to a global New World Order best exemplified by the United Nations seemed eerily similar to feelings expressed by the Maquis. Even Commander Sisko expressed a certain understanding of the Maquis feelings when a Starfleet admiral told him to just talk to the Maquis. Sisko responded: “Out there, there are no saints —just people. Angry, scared, determined people who are going to do whatever it takes to survive, whether it meets with Federation approval or not!”

A few weeks after DS9’s two-part episode “The Maquis,” TNG offered its own examination of these renegade Federation colonists in “Preemptive Strike” (1994).  After the USS Enterprise interrupts a Maquis attack on a Cardassian vessel near the Demilitarized Zone, Cardassia declares that it will take matters into its own hands if the Federation does not force the Maquis to uphold the peace treaty. Starfleet command sends Ro Laren into the Maquis community as an undercover operative, but after witnessing a Cardassian attack on local leaders she decides to join the Maquis and betray Starfleet’s plan.

Like DS9’s handling of the Maquis-Cardassian conflict, “Preemptive Strike’ paints the Cardassians, who are developing a biogenic weapon to use against their enemies, as treacherous and evil, thus making the Maquis that much more sympathetic. Yet at the same time, Starfleet and Picard regard the Maquis as traitors, which obliges viewers to question their sympathy for the Maquis.  TNG  writers further blur the line between just action and terrorism when Ro, a Starfleet officer like Lieutenant Commander Hudson in the DS9, turns against Starfleet and betrays Picard’s trust.

As TNG left the airways in 1994, DS9 continued to explore the Maquis-Federation struggle. One significant episode, “For the Cause,” explores the feelings of disaffected Starfleet officers who side with the Maquis. Starfleet security officer Michael Eddington arrives onboard Deep Space Nine to protect a Federation shipment of replicators to the Cardassians from possible theft by the Maquis. When later lured away from the station, Sisko learns that Eddington was a Maquis spy who stole the replicators from DS9 and gave them to the Maquis.  Reflecting the ambivalent view of the Maquis two Starfleet characters disagree about whether the Maquis are terrorists. Worf contends that the Maquis are little more than terrorists and criminals who lack honor, while O’Brien suggests that “they are just fighting for something they believed in.”  Eddington, however, shifts the blame to Starfleet and the Federation: “Starships chase us through the Badlands and our supporters are harassed and ridiculed. Why? Because we’ve left the Federation, and that’s the one thing you can’t accept. Nobody leaves paradise. Everyone should want to be in the Federation.”

While the Maquis storyline disappeared from DS9, it was central to Star Trek: Voyager. In the 1995 premiere episode, Kathryn Janeway commands Voyager’s mission to capture a Maquis ship when some kind of displacement beam hurtles the two ships into the Delta Quadrant. Now 70,000 light years from home, the two crews must merge into one and work together if they wish to return home. The primary storyline during the show’s first year was the crew’s struggle to overcome mutual feelings of distrust and betrayal. Unlike the more pessimistic DS9, Voyager holds out the promise that terrorists like the Maquis can be reintegrated into Starfleet, perhaps reflecting the hope that right-wing militias could likewise successfully rejoin mainstream America.

While the theme of terrorism in Star Trek emerged slowly, by the mid-1990s it was a central focus of DS9 and the last season of TNG. What made Star Trek’s handling of it so compelling was writers were willing to explore those who engaged in terrorism including domestic terrorists. My last installment will turn to Star Trek Enterprise which could not escape the subject of terrorism when it took to the airway in the wake of the September 11th attacks.

Book: 

Written By: Scott Lobdell

Pencils By: Kenneth Rocafort

Publisher: DC Comics

Release Date: OUT NOW IN STORES & DIGITAL DOWNLOAD (VIA COMIXOLOGY)

Rating: 

As much fun as crossovers are they have that secret ulterior motive: Make you read comics you wouldn’t usually bother with. Red Hood is that tile for me. I have nothing against Scott Lobdell’s work and Kenneth Rocafort’s artwork is pretty damn great, I just can’t like Jason Todd. I don’t like Red Hood or that fact Jason is back from the dead. It just won’t go in. I don’t like how it undermined a massive part of Batman history and despite enjoying this issue a fair bit, it still raises that odd feeling that comes with badboy characters doing good things for someone they don’t like despite the mission they’ve been set being a massive pain in the ass. I just don’t feel why they stick with it and it’s no difference here.

Anyway, Mr Feeze is the Owl target here and we get to find out the cold ones link to the Court of Owls beyond just being a big shot in Gotham they want to take down.  Red Hood flips about with the Owl Assassin acting all attitude and badboy and Starfire gets to have some dazzling visuals in her fight with Freeze.

Redhood and the Outlaws was a title I bailed on early but it was first released as part of the DC 52 but I liked the combination of Redhood, Starfire and Roy firing his arrows here. I liked how the Owl assassin was handled and I liked Redhood and Batgirl’s little butting of heads in the closing of the issue (and honestly Batgirl hasn’t looked better since her relaunch in the DC 52 than she does here). I’m certainly not sold on Jason Todd but I’m up for giving this title another go next month to see how settled down the characters are at their own pace when there aren’t Owl’s running around.

For some time on Saturday night, I had the queasy, uneasy feeling that ‘The Loveable Rogues’ would win Britain’s Got Talent and that our country’s collective conscious would again be condemned as frazzled-by-familiar-drivel, deemed unfit for purpose and dragged into the same stink of forgotten midnight, to begin another year of punishment in the permanent quest for a primetime icon: a well-deserved penalty, of course, if we were to fall for that isosceles disease, that Trio Ferdibland of ukulele sympathisers.

Then Pudsey the dog won. And now I’m not resigned to more pain, but petrified of our confession. Now even the couch bound crumb lipped masses know that the human race is shit and inferior, the dogs are going to kill us.

We. You. I. Someone…decided to choose a member of a different species as the “most talented”, as the magnum opus, as the tip-top trendsetter representing our mainstream taste. An animal winning a competition that humans were competing in represents a seismic shift from our usual narcissistic mud fight into something altogether different and though it may not seem sensational now, it will eventually conspire to become the beginning of The End – a patronising ‘aww’ will become a recoiling ‘argh’ – dog’s aren’t as stupid as they look, and crucially, we are.

I’ve never liked them. Dogs, that is. They’re suspicious sniffing carpet rolls with teeth and balls and arseholes and they don’t like me either. Probably for similar reasons.

The only canine who I ever shared any sort of affinity with was a limp mess, a straggling scribble of a pup who yapped at me when I’d deliver a paper to his owner’s house. I felt we had a connection. I was delivering a paper of no spiritual or intellectual value in order to get some money to buy some things of no spiritual or intellectual value, and that little scamp wanted to stop me from doing that; so he ripped up the paper and chased me up the path, as if to say “Leave. Leave at once and pursue something truly stimulating” except he said it coarser and whilst running head first into PlayMobil cars.

That dog probably died whilst choking on a page 13 story about a paedophile P.E teacher.

Perhaps I will too.

That’s if I get the chance to self-enforce my termination with the inky zest of regional media, if Britain’s voting habits are anything to go by, it won’t be long before we’re ruled by dogs, and they can get their own back, and kill us off before we get to the letterbox, such is the adoration of dear Pudsey. Patronised and patted, mistreated and occasionally dressed in tartan without permission, dogs have got a lot to be unhappy about, which is precisely why I don’t trust Pudsey. The joviality of the mop with legs is in profound contradiction to his species plight. He’s obviously planning something. And now the puppy has the platform, and the dog has had his day, he will look to take the afternoon and the night, too.

With his grinning teenage foil, gleefully following his sinister orders (not the other way around as ITV’s editing would have you believe) Pudsey has so far conducted a master plan built on the cuddling-concept, creating an image and an aura so bubble-gum and raindrops that our saucer eyes simply swim in the fun and swallow the cute – before long he’ll be beaming poisonous sunshine into our agog and goo-goo mouths. Right before announcing that the dog revolution will indeed be televised. With an ITV2 show on an hour later, presented by a slutty poodle.

Pudsey’s victory is one howling error on our part. By the time next year’s series comes around, David Walliams will have been replaced on the panel by a camp bulldog and the coalition will be close to confirming a new policy to build a country-long dog-motorway; and that’s just the start, when Pudsey trots onto the stage at the Royal Variety show next year he’ll be finally ready to dethrone Liz with a guns n’ bullets version of The Nutcracker. Spinning on his paws before shooting the crown from her candyfloss bouffant and barking wildly for a new world.

A bit like the scene in 101 Dalmatians where all the dogs across the world create a soundscape of woofing loveliness and yelping spirit. And guess what? We, the human race, are Cruella DeVil and we’re going down, spiralling into a sticky end.

We’re idiots, fools and imbeciles, The Lovable Rogues existence proves that, but it used to be our little secret. Now the dogs know. Then it will be the cats. And then the actually scary animals.

Start practicing your crawl, you’re going to need it.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars

Romanian cinema is, even to feverish cineastes, a nascent construct; after all, how many films from the region can anyone name? Last decade, a bare handful of highly-acclaimed films such as The Death of Mr. Lazarescu and 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days - which pointedly took the Romanian state to task in different, though equally valid ways – abounded, but to most, that corner of cinema remains a mystery. The latest Romanian film to reach our shores, If I Want to Whistle, I Whistle, arrives without the same fanfare, unsurprising given its far more personal, less dialectical nature, but it is still a quietly stirring, intense genre effort all the same.

Florin Şerban’s film wears its shonky, worn aesthetic proudly on its sleeve; gritty, washed-out visuals only emphasise the hopelessness of young prison inmate Silviu (George Piştereanu), as he finishes up a four-year stint and prepares to return to civilisation. When his brother visits, informing him that their mother (Clara Vodă) wants to move to Italy and take the brother along also, Silviu is none-too impressed. Sparse and spare dialogue creates a chilly, discomfiting mood; something is wrong, and we don’t yet know why.

As we open, Silviu has fifteen days left in prison. Keeping your head down for that little time should be easy, but not with savagely antagonistic guards, who adminster him a beating simply for peering out past a fence at his impending freedom. The viciousness of other inmates – jealous at his upcoming release, and keen to bait him into violent action that might extend his stay – does little to help.

Silviu is youthful and fresh-faced, which makes his predicament all the more devastating; a stolen glance at a young psychology student visiting the clink, Ana (Ada Condeescu), symbolises hope outside of the prison walls. It is a charming little scene, but not indicative of what is to follow; it is a merciful moment of levity in a grimly uncompromising work.

There is so much sadness in this film; a one-sided call between Silviu and his mother – a piecemeal conversation during field work, taking place on a phone smuggled into the prison – only helps build this image of the young angry male which actor Piştereanu embodies so perfectly. A brilliantly-acted mid-film confrontation between Sivliu and his mother clues us in on why he doesn’t want his brother jetting off with her to Italy, and it is absolutely heartbreaking.

This desperate situation is only made worse by the administrative barriers in Silviu’s way, most prominently the peculiar bureaucratic decision that once inmates have received their final parole hearing, they can have no more home visits. Silviu tries so hard to avoid conflict on the inside, while handling his own on the outside, an impossible balancing act when he has little control of anything until he is free. His scarce sense of collection is conveyed meticulously by Piştereanu, smouldering at all times, before exploding into brash intensity in the film’s third act.

The tense final-reel standoff is perhaps unnecessary, yet played out with an unwavering efficiency. There is a profound irony that a system intended – at least in the opinion of some – to rehabilitate and curb violence only create a viciously endemic cycle of it here. Şerban uniquely opts to convey this not with a pulsing score and frenzied visuals – rather, it is one of the more sedate sieges ever filmed, utterly theatrical, and perhaps best likened to a play. Resting on Piştereanu and Condeescu’s fierce turns, it still invigorates.

Those looking for a fun night at the cinema should best avoid; this is an at times impossibly desperate story with seemingly no positive end in sight. Sure enough, the film’s bemusing title still remains elliptical and elusive right to the final shot, but there’s a quiet dignity behind the brutality. In a flash, it unexpectedly ends, seguing seamlessly into the credits, and we’re left to ponder what follows.

Bare-bones technical chops allow two outstanding young actors to hog the limelight in this nail-biting Romanian thriller-drama.

If I Want to Whistle, I Whistle is in UK cinemas this Friday.

Rating: 3 out of 5 stars

The laughs might not be quite as nuanced this time, but Sacha Baron Cohen still knows how to deliver punchy, extremely offensive, and uproariously funny one-liners with the best of them. The Dictator, his latest film, directed by Borat and Brüno helmer Larry Charles, dispenses with the expected mockumentary format, and while Cohen’s transition back to narrative features is far from smooth, the film is at least a frequently hilarious mess.

Again, Cohen plays a larger-than-life character, this time the despotic, tyrannical leader of the Republic of Wadiya, Admiral General Aladeen (quite clearly modelled on Saddam Hussein). As he endeavours to create a nuclear weapons programme, the U.N. intervene, causing Aladeen to travel to New York to resolve the matter himself. Soon enough, he winds up kidnapped and stripped of his identity – that is, his beard – before escaping into the city, penniless and unidentifiable. Here he meets a radical political activist, Zoey (Anna Farris), who gets him a job at her health food store, while Aladeen tries to reclaim his life – for he has been replaced with a gormless double – and ensure that his country does not become democratised.

It is quite a claim, but Cohen’s latest feature is somehow even more crazed and eager to offend than his last two efforts. Abandoning the mockumentary format is no doubt disappointing, but Cohen clearly has other things on his mind this time; decapitations, shocking bodily penetration and scatological gags are all just part of the pro-forma, and as a moc-doc, this simply would not work. The Dictator is a maddeningly outlandish film, and when reaching for emotional resonance, it loses its not-so-firm grip on narrative coherence, but given how invested the film becomes in its own audaciousness – and constantly one-upping its own shock factor – it is likely that Cohen is well-aware this is not his most convincing work of straight storytelling.

Beginning with the facetious epitaph, “In memory of Kim Jong-Il”, it is a film keen to offend from first frame to last. Moreso than Cohen’s previous films, there is a busy, pacy clip to proceedings, chugging frantically from one insane gag to the next, ensuring that those which do not work – and there are plenty – are not lingered on for any time at all. It is the “mud-to-the-wall” approach to filmmaking, scattershot and absolutely hit-and-miss – it just so happens that when it hits, it hits hard. Changing things up this time are the likes of Ben Kingsley, John C. Reilly and Anna Farris in supporting roles, though none – even Farris, again playing the cute, ditzy role she has mastered over the years – really musters much of an impact when wrestling for attention alongside Cohen’s understandably scene-stealing caricature. Some surprise cameos best left unspoiled do tickle the ribs, though.

Indeed, the visible seams of the narrative are the character interactions and relationships; Aladeen’s romantic entanglement with Zoey is written with little fuss, resulting in ridiculous turnabouts and unconvincing emotions and psychology. But just then, Aladeen makes a superbly-timed mark of high impropriety, and it doesn’t seem to matter; the film is composed like a crude cartoon, not so much concerned with consistent mindsets and behaviours, but with escalating the art of exaggeration, as Cohen does with an almost embarrassing level of efficiency. Pile onto this some timely political gags – including references to the recent passings of Gaddafi, Jong-Il and Bin Laden (or not, as Aladeen asserts in the latter case) – as well as some intentionally, hilarious ham-fisted political commentary. The result is a narratively, possibly chemically unbalanced film, which if nothing cannot be described as boring.

Certainly a come-down from Borat and Brüno in terms of style and coherence, Cohen’s brazen comic style – of making you laugh and then feel bad for it – nevertheless remains as biting and ferocious as ever. The Dictator is certainly one of the most outrageous and distasteful ventures ever put to film. It is also pretty funny, too.

The Dictator is in UK cinemas now.

You can also read our earlier review from Simon Gallagher HERE

Rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars

Mitsuko Delivers belongs to a very small subset of world cinema that arrives on our shores; it is not a refined, robustly constructed drama like we are typically used to from abroad (after all, we usually get the very best of the litter). Instead it shares a more common DNA with American comedies, albeit still retaining a distinctly Japanese flavour. For these reasons Yûya Ishii’s (Sawako Decides) oddball concoction isn’t exactly a snug and satisfying fit, even though it has its share of amusing moments.

Mitsuko (Riisa Naka) is pregnant and broke, having just split up with her American boyfriend, but withholding this from her parents, instead keeping up appearances that she is still in the U.S. With her head in the sky quite literally, she ends up following an amorphous cloud formation around town, soon enough arriving at the desolate tenement block she briefly lived in as a child, hoping to change the community for the better with her perky attitude, and also attempting to resolve a few personal issues that inevitably abound.

This premise is unquestionably quite a flowery one – even for the standards of something desperately clinging to the Amélie school of cutesy storytelling – but the distinguishing feature here is Mitsuko’s attitude; she is spunky, imposing herself on people not simply because she is a fussy pregnant woman, but because that is who she is. It is a facet that is liable to divide viewers, some appreciating her unbound candour, while many – likely more – finding it wearisome by film’s end, overexerted and not particularly endearing. And that is why it fumbles when put up against something like Jean-Pierre Jeunet’s expertly-assembled quirkfest; Audrey Tatou’s titular character was effervescent, charming and appealing, whereas Mitsuko is a much tougher cookie, obtuse and often impenetrable. While festival circuit murmurings might have compared this to Jeunet’s film, the comparison is unflattering and unearned.

Its lack of cultural refinement is not a critique as such, and the film might oddly benefit from it; this is as daft as anything myriad silly American comedies have churned out recently; note one scene in which a man claims he cheated on his wife by accident, walking into the wrong room in the dark. There are even some gross-out moments at the expense of Mitsuko’s bed-ridden former landlady.

These moments, despite their levity, might occur at the expense of any social point Ishii might try to make, though; the grim reality of the 1990s recession is relayed to us adequately in flashback form, and further embodied by Mitsuko’s return to that same decrepit tenement in the present. Drawing parallel between the 90s downturn and our current one seems rather obvious – as does an oblique reference to the after-effects of World War II – but the sentiment, of helping one another out in times of turmoil, is the film’s sweetest comment, even if it comes off a little ham-fisted through its repetition. This is not a film composed with much finesse.

There are plenty of instances throughout where, if viewers are able to hang up their preconceptions about what foreign cinema typically should be, it is probably a jaunty enough venture. Disappointingly, though, Ishii’s fascination with the notion of “coolness” quickly stifles any comic or dramatic traction; it is a Japanese cultural aesthetic liable to become lost on Western audiences as it is not intended in the same manner as we would use the word, which above all suggests poor translation. One of Mitsuko’s especially egregious remarks sticks in the mind: ”If the mom isn’t cool, the baby won’t want to be born into this world.”

Probably more interesting than the pregnancy itself is the romance between Mitsuko and Yoichi, a young chef who runs a restaurant with his uncle, Jiro. It is the classic story of long lost love we’ve seen countless times, and while initially told with a palpable sense of longing, it quickly becomes clouded by a muddled narrative in which Mitsuko revives their fledgling business by means that are never made acutely clear. The point might be that powerless people sometimes just need a nudge in the right direction, but Ishii’s vague treatment diminishes the meaning.

The film’s heart is certainly in the right place, and it is unquestionably a nice idea – of bringing the desolate community together under one roof to serve a collective good – but it is too cutesy, too emotionally immature, and finally, too irredeemably silly at its overblown climax, dragging long past the logical departure point. Armchair philosophy and scarcely likable characters make Yûya Ishii’s disappointing latest feature more of a challenge than a treat.

Mitsuko Delivers is on limited release in UK cinemas now.

James Badge Dale is the latest name to become attached to the upcoming “Iron Man 3″, and will play Eric Savin – aka, Coldblood.

Badge Dale, recently seen in the likes of “The Grey” and “Shame”, and yet to be seen in the forthcoming blockbusters “World War Z” and “The Lone Ranger” will step into the shoes – or should that be the robotic limbs of – the Marvel villain first featured in Marvel Comics Presents volume 1 #26 in August 1989. For those of you not fully versed in the never ending abyss that is the Marvel Universe, here’s a bit of background on the character to help you out.

“While still a Lieutenant Colonel in the United States Army at Camp Killian, Eric Savin was put in charge of Project: Ultra-Tech. There he met the love of his life, Lieutenant Gina Dyson. While on patrol, Savin stepped onto a freshly planted mine which blew him into pieces. He was dead for 2.3 minutes. Gina immediately performed cybernetic surgery on him. The surgery was successful — Savin was alive, but resurrected as a cyborg by Mako’s Project: Ultra-Tech^.”

This announcement comes a week after it was announced that Rebecca Hall will be joining “Iron Man 3″ as the female lead, replacing Jessica Chastain in the role of Maya Hansen – a scientist who works alongside Guy Pearce’s villain, Dr. Aldrich Killian who creates the virus “Extremis”.

Iron Man 3, starring Robert Downey Jr., Gwyneth Paltrow, Guy Pearce, Ben Kingsley, Rebecca Hall, Don Cheadle and co-written and directed by Shane Black – whose last feature film direction was the truly understated ‘Kiss Kiss Bang Bang’, also starring Robert Downey Jr., is scheduled for a 3rd May 2013 release in the UK.

Final Position: 2nd

After yesterday trying to convince you all that Manchester City, Premier League Champions, had a poor season, I now turn my intention to putting forward the notion that Manchester United, who finished 2nd, had a very good season. Don’t say I’m not ambitious.

My simple matter rests on this; Manchester United never expected to win the Premier League this season. Yes it can be argued that they always expect to win the Premier League, but this was quite obviously a transitional year as they tried to introduce youngsters like De Gea, Smalling, Evans, Jones, Welbeck, Cleverley to be prepared for a long term title challenge. The fact that they managed one this year with a young squad, a rather large injury crisis, a goalkeeper who looks like, before he came here, he had never eaten a meal larger than a spoonful and Johnny Evans starting most of the matches is nothing short of remarkable.

Sure it’s a major disappointment that they managed to fritter away a 7 point lead with only 5 games left to go and they somehow managed to get trounced 1-6 at home to their big spending local rivals with a front line led by, ahem, Edin Dzeko, but the fact that their rather moderately budgeted (compared to City anyway) team managed to push City to the end is testimony to the quality of their up and coming squad.

It cannot be claimed that this year is a rip-roaring success however, they failed to make an impact in Europe and in domestic cup competitions, only having the Community Shield to show for their efforts which, let’s be frank, is akin to getting the Grey’s Anatomy box set when House, Scrubs and amoebic dysentery on offer.

There is more rebuilding work to be done, but considering it was a young team in a difficult set of circumstances, Sir Alex can be very encouraged by his squad’s performance.

Summer Transfer Targets:

Paul Scholes can’t keep chugging along for much longer, the return of Tom Cleverley, who was exceptional for the early part of this season before injury struck will be good news, but Man United need another quality midfielder and can downgrade Michael Carrick and Anderson to back ups which will give them vital squad depth. Wesley Sneijder, who had a poor season at Inter and may be looking for a move, has been a long term favourite. Eden Hazard has got good press but they will face competition from their local rivals for that signature, Mario Gotze is a young up and coming option, but maybe too young and too much of a risk for immediate success.

Next Year’s Target:

To challenge for the title and domestic silverware, I would say European Glory is now a distant dream unless they significantly improve their ability in the middle of the park.

Tomorrow: Arsenal: How long can this transition period last?

The owner of the Nevada based brothel ‘Moonlight Bunny Ranch’ wants to met up with London Mayor Boris Johnson to discuss the possibility of obtaining a temporary license to run a brothel in Soho during the Olympics.

Dennis Hof believes that by allowing a licensed brothel to operate in the center of London, it will offer a safe, legal alternative for any tourist who may want to employ the services of a sex worker while they are in London for the Olympic Games. He also states that all women working in his establishment will be drug tested and not forced to work unlike other brothels already operating illegally in the capital.

Hof also says that major sporting events like the Olympics act like a magnet for sex traffickers because they see the influx of tourists as a big money-making opportunity, and attempts by officials to eradicate the problem always fail;

“Well intentioned efforts (of every Olympics host city) to eradicate the world’s oldest profession becomes folly as the unintended results inadvertently place its’ control into the hands of gangsters, drug dealers and murderers. It’s a strategic miscalculation that is repeated time and time again in the futile hope of an outcome different than all of those that have come before.”

And as a further incentive, Hoff points out that legalizing brothels will open up another tax revenue stream for the city.

Dennis Hof is a entrepreneur who owns and runs the ‘Moonlight Bunny Ranch’ in the state of Nevada where prostitution is decriminalized. He and his brothels were also the subject of two HBO documentaries which earned him national fame. He is scheduled to speak at Oxford University’s ‘Oxford Union Society’ discussion on prostitution tomorrow.

Even though he is unlikely to get his wish, the points he makes are valid. Prostitution (much like drugs) has always been hard to control. The more governments try the heavy handed approach and implement complete prohibition, the more they drive it underground and into the hands of criminals. This then leaves it wide open for women to be forced and exploited by pimps who go unchecked and out of the reach of the authorities. If licensed establishments were offered as a legal alternative where the girls welfare is paramount, you could regulate and tax it while forcing out the criminal element at the same time.

Unfortunately, this is destined to get bogged down behind sensationalist headlines and knee jerk reaction like it always does when prostitution or drug legalization is discussed. Until a politician is brave enough to discuss the subject without fear of attack from the right wing press, the issue of girls being exploited by pimps will continue as it always has.

It is indeed rather sad that the form of an England captain that has had more success than many is the main talking point at the start of what could prove to be a career defining summer for this current crop of England test players.

One century in his last 49 innings is a statistic that will hurt Andrew Strauss but he is not the type of cricketer to fade and disappear back into the county ranks. It would be an unceremonious end to what has been a career of ups and downs. The highest points are undeniably the three victorious Ashes series (two as captain) and taking the England side to the top of the world test rankings in 2011.

Strauss has fought fire with fire when his position has been questioned in the past by those in the press. Not one for a brash exchange of opinions in Sunday newspaper column, expect classy innings to remind those in the media, and the England faithful why he has been a lynchpin in one of the most successful England sides of all time. Few can forget his unbeaten 173 against New Zealand in 2008 whilst in a similar putrid vein of form, an innings which has probably allowed him the time in the bank to go on and achieve what he has individually and as a leader since then.

Undoubtedly, the summer will pose one of the biggest challenges of his England side. Many expect the Test series against West Indies (Lords, 11AM GMT Thursday 17th May) to be a walk in the park in early season English conditions which traditionally have those used to warmer climes calling for the knitwear. Yet, they are a talented bunch of players that are capable of hurting teams on their day. Granted, if this England side plays to their potential, only one result can be expected but let us not underestimate a side that has shown signs of improvement under skipper Darren Sammy.

After the West Indies comes the main event. South Africa arrive on English soil for the first time since 2008 hungry to topple England from top spot in the world, with the firepower to do just that. In Dale Steyn they have the best seam bowler on the world scene at the moment, capable of making the most technically astute test batsman quiver in his boots. In Amla, Smith and A. B De Villiers, they have batsman capable of making telling scores in all conditions.

With their poor sub-continent form behind them, England will be keen to not only establish some form going into the series against the Proteas, but also to settle on a best 11 for all conditions. With Jonathan Bairstow set to make his debut tomorrow, England have made a bold choice in leaving out Nottinghamshire’s James Taylor who was tipped by many to take the spot vacated by the struggling Eoin Morgan. Bairstow will in all likelihood slot in at number 7 and will have a chance to cement his spot for the summer.

In the bowling department, the last bowling spot looks set to go to either Graham Onions of Durham or Middlesex’s own Steven Finn. Finn has the attributes to be a handful on any surface while Onions tests batsman’s techniques with almost every ball, a knack that proves essential on English wickets in April & May.

Some tough decisions lie ahead for the selectors and a tough summer is well and truly upon the English team as summer tries to poke its head around the door at long last. For the fans, relish what could be an extremely interesting summer

According to Tetsuya creating new Final Fantasy games take precedence over the Final Fantasy remake. Here is his exact quote from the magazine Famitsu:

“There are a lot of people who want a remake of Final Fantasy VII. However, new titles take precedence. We work our hardest to make something that might be even better than Final Fantasy VII.”

In all honesty I just don’t ever see Square Enix creating a Final Fantasy VII HD remake, it is just too much work. They would literally have to build the game from the ground up and they are not willing to do that considering they could be making new Final Fantasy games in which Tetsuya states: The new Final Fantasy must overcome the Final Fantasy of the past.”

Not to mention that at this point I don’t know if I would trust Square Enix to remake a great game like Final Fantasy VII. The past two Final Fantasy games have been met with mediocre results, some fans love the new direction the series has taken and others hate it. Not to mention we are still waiting for Final Fantasy Versus XIII which was announced six years ago and there is still no end in sight to the development of the game.

At this point would any of you out there trust Square Enix to remake Final Fantasy VII in HD or are you like me and feel they would probably find a way to ruin the classic game?

After a brief hiatus, the weekly video game discussion podcast Game Hates You has returned.

Game ŸHatesŸ You [The-game-just-hates-you-bro!]

Term of disgust

1. Phrase used to denote vexation in response to poor game playing or aggravating/unfair design decisions that actively hinder the player. i.e. “What?! He came out of nowhere! I shot him!”  “-Game hates you.”
2. Weekly chat show in which angry young men talk about games.

2.2 – 13/05/12

• Awesomenauts
• Minecraft
• Max Payne 3
• Starhawk

Voice1     @Jim12C

Voice2     @JoeRichardson49

Music      @HeRunWithWolves

Updates  @GameHatesYou

Comic: 

Written By: Jonathan Hickman, Scott Hanna

Pencils By: John Romita Jr.

Publisher: Marvel Comics

Release Date: OUT NOW IN STORES & DIGITAL DOWNLOAD (VIA COMIXOLOGY)

Rating: 

Issue #4 of Avengers vs X-Men is a mixed bag. What starts off as a very cool introduction to Wolverine in Antarctica (covered in a dead polar bear to keep walm -raising the question  - Did Wolverine kill an endangered species?). We soon see Hope back in to the front and centre of this story and slow burn our way into where this next chapter might be going. Before we know it we’re whisked off to space with Thor’s team wiped out as well as a very cool stand off between The Phoenix and the God of Thunder himself (albeit one that isn’t entirely clear – is The Phoenix destroying another planet?).

The middle section with Emma Frost using her abilities to search around the world for Hope is pointless. Just a lot of pretty Avengers fighting X-Men images (hinting at this months waves of spin offs) and nothing that feels like anything more than page fillers. Then we’re back with Hope and we discover her master plan that involves sacrificing herself in a very “out there” environment (man this issue is a hard one not to mention spoilers for) and before you know it we’re facing down with X-Men vs Avengers…AGAIN.

Sorry for being so vague but this issue has a lot of turns that I don’t want to spoil. It offers up nothing new or all that spectacular but the Marvel comics event of the summer suddenly feels like it’s got a level head and this is our last breather before the Phoenix gets it’s first swing at the character we love in three weeks. The last few pages finally puts our two sides in a situation that can only unite them (or the writers will pull some other tenuious reason for everyone to fall out) and Avengers vs X-Men suddenly feels like it’s found it’s feet somehow.

Maybe its because Hope has grown a backbone, maybe it’s because something bigger than some squabbling heroes suddenly feels more pressing or it could just be a good month for the the side stories in the regular Marvel Comics that warmed me to this event or maybe it’s because all this silly fighting has been relegated to individual titles to enable this mini series to get a bit of drama and story on its side. I dunno, maybe I’m simply wanting to find out what happens next for once. Either way this issue has some pretty artwork (I love the image of Hope at this end of this review by the way) and the plot has hit a less chaotic pace and seems to have found a way out of just finding reasons to throw stuff at Cyclops. This wasn’t the best issue of the run so far but somewhere in here it had the most promise. Avengers vs X-Men suddenly feels as if the first act is done with and the second act almost feels like it has a lot more to bring to the table. Let’s wait and see shall we?

Hope, where’s that rush of excitement I was looking forward to with Avengers vs X-Men?

The Big News:  John Laurinaitis fired Big Show but was informed by John Cena that he too would be fired unless he emerged victorious in their match at Over the Limit. Meanwhile Paul Heyman made another appearance and threatened Triple H with a lawsuit after Hunter made physical contact with him and Chris Jericho inflamed further animosity between Sheamus and Randy Orton in the build to their fatal four way world heavyweight championship match.

In a Nutshell: Phoney lawsuits, false firings and comedy villains or how the WWE stopped caring and learnt that they could simply rely on Wrestlemania.

Triple H and John Laurinaitis bumped into one another backstage at the start of the show. Laurinaitis explained that he had no idea Brock Lesnar was going to attack him like he did and then amusingly disguised an insult with false sympathy by saying how painful it was to watch Lesnar humiliate Hunter and break his arm. He then let him know that he had his full support and sympathy and Hunter responded by saying that he would say what he had to say had in the ring before repaying the false sentiment by wishing Laurinaitis luck in his match on Sunday.

Hunter came down to the ring and called Lesnar arrogant for wanting to bring legitimacy to the WWE and said this stupid ambition disrespected all the legends he had ever fought such as Shawn Michaels and The Undertaker. He then said that Lesnar had lost his respect because he always backed down and quit when things got tough and used examples of him leaving wwe the first time round, quitting UFC and his recent departure following his loss to John Cena.

He was then interrupted by Paul Heyman who was accompanied down to the ring by an attorney. Heyman argued that Hunter was merely conducting damage control after having lost his biggest star and that as COO he had breached Lesnar’s contract. He said that Hunter had brought a fighter into an entertainment company and then didn’t like it when the fighter wanted to fight. Heyman then handed Hunter a lawsuit and  got under his skin by claiming that Lesnar had expected a fight from Triple H but instead had discovered a corporate sycophant who didn’t live up to the hype.

In reaction to this, an enraged Hunter grabbed Heyman’s face and said that Lesnar would get everything that he deserved. Heyman proceeded to  squeal “what are you doing?” in a brilliantly incensed voice before Hunter relented and Heyman informed him that he was going to take him to court on charges of assault and battery.

This was a solid segment but we’ve seen so many of these stupid lawsuit angles and nearly all of them have been so wretched that it’s very hard to suddenly invest interest in them. The only thing the crowd responded to do during this ordeal was when things got physical because audiences want to see violence or at least the threat of violence, they are not interested in a couple of suits going back and forth over legal issues. Somehow in a month we’ve gone from Lesnar and Cena being so angry at one another that they engaged in an immediate brawl to a part time wrestler and a non wrestler talking.

1.) Tag Match:  CM Punk and Santino defeated Daniel Bryan and Cody Rhodes via pinfall

They did a really fun spot at the start where Punk sent Cody and Bryan over the ropes before Santino emerged and instructed Punk to fly out at them through the ropes which he did. Punk then asked Santino to give it a shot but he got caught up in the ropes instead provoking a response from an amused Punk who informed his partner that he was supposed to go through the ropes and not land on them.

Santino then took a lengthy beatdown from the heels with the fans going crazy with “Yes” chants for Bryan’s offence. Another fun spot saw Santino flip out of trouble only to launch himself in Punk’s direction and land flat on his face. Punk’s reaction was priceless.

Santino finally made contact with the wwe champion though shortly afterwards as Punk emerged to plant Cody with some left and right kicks followed up by a running knee and a bulldog. Punk then attempted a GTS but Cody ducked only to then be kicked right in the head as Bryan interrupted the subsequent pinfall. Punk then launched the interfering Bryan in the air for a GTS but Bryan escaped out of the ring. Cody took his chance to attack Punk from behind and tried to stun the champion with Cross Rhodes but Punk slipped out and sent Cody to the corner where he quickly sidestepped away from the threat of Santino’s cobra on the apron and ran straight into another GTS, this time successfully executed for the pinfall.

*** 1/2

This was a really fun contest but fancy not having two of your best talkers (with a storied history to fall back on) go back and forth on the mic to try and promote their match at Over the Limit.

2.) Divas Match:  Beth Phoenix defeated Alicia Fox via pinfall

Beth won the power game early before Alicia ducked a right and leapfrogged over her running opponent only to then see her monkey flip telegraphed. Beth then whipped Alicia in the corner, bench pressed her and hit the Glam Slam for the victory.

During the match, Layla came down to watch and applauded Beth for her efforts after she had prevailed. Beth then tried to send a message to the champion by moving to inflict further damage on Fox but Layla made the save and hit Phoenix with a face plant.

3.) Kane defeated Big Show via pinfall

John Laurinaitis watched at ringside with Otunga. There was some unbelievably clumsy stuff going on inside the ring but nonetheless there is something oddly satisfying about watching two big men fight and take bumps from one another. Show threw his opponent around to start but Kane dodged a dive to the corner and gained momentum with a crossbody. Both men then wound up on the outside where Show whipped Kane into the barricade and sphered him. With Show in control Laurinaitis then stood up and demanded an apology from him at that very moment. Show acted all gob-smacked and Kane used the distraction to prevail with a chokeslam.

Post-match Laurinaitis demanded an apology from Big Show. Show tried to plead to the GM by claiming that wrestling was his life and something that he loves doing and that he didn’t want to be fired over something so petty. He said that he was sorry and that if Laurinaitis had any decency then he would let him continue to do what he loves.

Laurinaitis commended Show on his passion fuelled speech but said that he never heard the apology. Show, almost in tears by this point said that he was sorry again but this time Laurinaitis was worried that people in the cheap seats probably couldn’t hear so again Show apologised. Laurinaitis then told Show to prove that he meant it by getting down on his knees. Show almost went to ground but kept resisting and making anguished sounds as if he was trying to fight out of a submission making for an utterly ludicrous spectacle. Eventually Show begged on his feet and Laurinaitis said that he would reconsider despite being disgusted by his behaviour.

Laurinaitis then got up to the stage and said that he had already reconsidered and started to go through the firing process which caused Show to fall to his knees and beg, cry and blubber. A passionless Laurinaitis then simply wished Show the best in his future endeavours before firing him.

Watching Chris Jericho beg Stephanie McMahon for forgiveness a few years back was great entertainment because the Jericho character was such a jackass that it was really fun watching him struggle to swallow his pride. He was a heel however. When a big babyface star does this it just makes for painful television. And once again, the wwe have established yet another firing angle where the guy being fired will no doubt be back in under a months time.

4.) Six Man Tag: Brodus Clay, R-Truth and Kofi Kingston defeated  The Miz, Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger

Truth outsmarted Swagger to start and then tagged in Clay who head-butted Swag to the outside. An enraged Dolph then burst in but ran straight into and came bouncing right off Clay’s giant frame before Miz flew off the top into a headbutt.

Back from the break Ziggler had Truth locked in the headstand headlock as we briefly went backstage to see Abraham Washington with his new Puerto Rican clients and Mason Ryan as we heard that Ryan was close to signing a deal with Washington.  The fact that a big man is going to be involved in this group gives me hope that Vince might actually do something with this storyline.

Back in the ring Ziggler earnt a two count following the world’s best dropkick (sorry Orton) before tagging in Miz who locked Truth in a front facelock. Miz then got distracted by Clay however and Truth was able to tag to Kofi who came in and ran wild on Miz culminating in an S.O.S for a close pinfall broken up by an interfering Swagger who was then tricked over the ropes by Truth and Ziggler who came in to receive more punishment from Clay.  Kofi then planted Miz with the Trouble in Paradise and Brodus tagged himself in to win the match with a splash and remain undefeated under his current guise.

**

Prior to this match it was confirmed that R-Truth and Kofi Kingston would be defending their tag team titles against Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger. How about they give some of these guys a freaking storyline instead?

AJ came up to Punk backstage and tried to seduce him with her affection but Punk was wise to a set up and so told her that he didn’t want to get involved with any of the drama surrounding herself and Daniel Bryan.  Now this is how a top babyface should behave.

5.) Chris Jericho defeated Randy Orton via DQ
Sheamus was on commentary to talk about two of his challengers this Sunday. Orton took control at the start hitting a shoulderblock, blocking an arm drag to hit one of his own and then executing the second best dropkick in the business before following it up with a clothesline and then throwing Jericho over the ropes.

Back from the break, Jericho regained momentum inside the ring by poking Orton in the eye and locking his opponent in a cravat. Jericho proceeded to land a crossbody for a near fall and then delivered some humiliating slaps to Orton in the corner. Orton fought out only to run into a boot from Jericho which the Canadian followed up with a missile dropkick and a lionsault attempt that was blocked by Orton’s knees.

Orton went into full on viper mode, landing his trademark manoeuvres including the Draping DDT for a near fall.  The finish of the bout then came as a result of an incident on the outside where Jericho sent Orton tumbling into Sheamus and Sheamus ended up dragging Jericho out of the ring for revenge as Orton was preparing to execute an RKO. Hence, Jericho won by disqualification.

** 1/2

Post-match Orton and Sheamus went mad at one another and had to be separated by officials. This was a stupid finish on paper but all three men were so great in their roles that it actually came off quite well. In particular it is refreshing to see two babyfaces being allowed to trade verbal blows rather than those silly backstage segments where they usually look on the verge of sharing a hug. It might be contrived but this feud is still helping to convey the message that there are no companions when it comes to a world championship and I’m all for that.
John Laurinaitis came down for the final segment of the show. He said that he was sorry if John Cena was anyone’s favourite superstar because that made them a loser. After all, he said John Cena himself was a loser. He lost to The Rock at Wrestlemania and looked like a loser against Brock Lesnar. He claimed that when he beat Cena at Over the Limit he would prove that the crowds are losers but that there’s nothing wrong with that because the worlds needs losers like them in order for there to be winners like him.

He actually delivered these well written lines impeccably well and did for a short moment cut a genuinely dislikeable figure. Then John Cena arrived however to very quickly eradicate that image by  turning the cringe factor all the way up to eleven. Firstly he sniffed Lesnar and said that desperation sure was a stinky cologne in the voice of the kid whose stayed up too late drinking coke at a party. He then imagined Laurinaitis as a presidential candidate and mocked his voice as he said “I like people.”

Things then somehow got worse.  He patronisingly wondered if Laurinaitis was going to fire him like he fired Big Show and then brought up Laurinaitis’ failings and assessed that in truth it was him who was the loser. Laurinaitis then tried to defend himself but every time he spoke  Cena attacked him with the word “loser” like Jim Carrey in Pet Detective Mode. Now I’m no big Jim Carrey fan but he was basically Buster Keaton in the comedy department compared to how obnoxious Cena was imitating him. Cena then pissed on “people power” saying that the only person Laurinaitis cared about him was himself. Following this he asked the crowd how many people wanted to beat him up and when they responded positively he used this as proof that Laurinaitis was out of touch with reality.

Finally after some more crowd pandering embarrassment, we got down to some business as Eve emerged to hand Laurinaitis a letter. As the GM was trying to read John Cena then ripped the letter out of his hand and actually said “we all know you never learnt to read”, which was both an asshole move and completely unfunny at the same time. It also tuned out to be a pretty hillarious botch as Cena then had to pretend that he was reading from the letter he had accidentally torn which had been sent from the Board of Directors. I was half expecting Cena to squeal “I’m getting pretty bored of the directors too” but graciously he revealed that the stipulations of their Over the Limit match had been decided and that it had been confirmed that there would be no special guest referee, that no-one would be allowed at ringside and that the only way to win would be by pinfall or submission. Further, any superstar who interfered in the match would be immediately terminated and that if Laurinaitis lost the match to John Cena then he would be terminated also. Cena then got in Laurinaitis face asking him what his big announcement concerned and the GM got mad and slapped him before departing.

Well this made no sense at all. How would John Laurinaitis winning a wrestling match satisfy the Board of Directors and why have said Board spent valuable time coming up with stipulations for a bout instead of firing the guy if they don’t like the job that he’s doing? Illogical nonsense like this is the reason why there is always such a lukewarm reaction to lawsuits and other politically orientated storylines because it’s like the WWE expect the term “Board of Directors” to have such an overwhelmingly powerful impact that they don’t need to actually try and explain what any of this nonsense means.

Verdict:

I’m not sure what was worse about this show. The fact that I witnessed two of the most awful segments of the year or that the crowd appeared to be fully invested in both of them. I can only hope this was a one off audience because if John Cena continues to maintain that kind of a reaction then we are probably going to be seeing a lot more of those types of promos and no doubt a number of other promising superstars being the butt of the “joke” and losing any credibility they had beforehand.

What really annoyed me about this edition of Raw though is that after investing precious TV time in humiliating Big Show in order to give Laurinaitis some heat they then immediately turned the guy into a goofball again by having Cena completely no sell his authority and laughing in his face as if he was going back and forth with David Otunga. Thinking that people are excited to see Cena beat up a villainous comedy character is like anticipating that audiences would pay to see Batman go up against a smarmy but brainless lawyer as his main villain in a film; it’s simply not that interesting and if anything makes you feel bad for the guy whose going to get his ass kicked. I’m sure there’s going to be some sort of swerve at the PPV involving Big Show but as it stands this whole thing has just made a mockery of the dangerous vibe brought in by Brock Lesnar.

Sony’s Hong Kong website may have inadvertently leaked the next batch of multiplayer DLC for Mass Effect 3 which is supposedly called “Rebellion”. The downloadable content has not been confirmed by Bioware as of yet. The content includes new maps, classes, and even some new weapons:

The Rebellion Multiplayer Expansion opens two new fronts against the Reapers: Firebase Jade’s jungle reservoir and Firebase Goddess on Thessia. In-game reinforcement packs now include three new weapons as well as equipment, consumables, and six new classes: Quarian Engineer and Infiltrator, Vorcha Soldier and Sentinel, Phoenix Adept and Vanguard. The battle continues – hold the line!

No price has been released for this DLC and I am guessing it will not be free like the other DLC that has been offered by Bioware. In addition, there was no announced release date for the DLC at this time . It will probably be announced at E3 or maybe even sooner now that it has leaked on an official Sony website.

The multiplayer for Mass Effect 3 has been fairly well received, better than I expected for a series that was strictly single player for the first two games. I have to say that adding six new classes alone is quite a bit just for one piece of DLC and should be a nice edition to the multiplayer gameplay.

However, there is still no mention of the new ending single player DLC or when we might be seeing a release for it; we will more than likely have to wait until E3 to get more information it would be my guess.