Stark Cover

Ever since they stuffed Indiana Jones into a fridge, I’ve been mindful of the strangely indestructible nature of some characters. A lot of films – mainly action titles – operate under the logic that the hero/heroes have far more health than everyone else, mainly because they’re just a lot more important than the anonymous goons they mow down.

Of course, if you’re just watching the flick for a good time, this doesn’t bother you at all. You’re in it for the heroic quest, to see the guy get the girl – or vice-versa, we live in enlightened times – and for the carnage that ensues from this quest. Yet for those of us who take are films far too seriously, there’s always an eyebrow cocked when someone survives something which would kill a regular person.

Granted, it would be ridiculous if the protagonist died before the film finished and filmmakers know this. But occasionally, in attempting to establish some sort of physical risk the film writes itself into a corner, creating huge gaps in their own logic you could positively backflip through. So I’ve taken it upon myself to catalogue some of the worst offenders in plot-necessary indestructibility.

You could just disregard this whole list under the pretence ‘it’s only a movie,’ but that’s not the way the game is played, dammit. These characters caused me to be sceptic, and now I’m going to share them with you.

Be aware, there’s a SPOILER WARNING in effect.

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This article was first posted on July 10, 2013