10 Marvel Characters We Don’t Want For THE AVENGERS 2!
With the highly anticipated Disney/Marvel ensemble The Avengers (Joss Whedon, you are my God!) set to be released in 2012,...
With the highly anticipated Disney/Marvel ensemble The Avengers (Joss Whedon, you are my God!) set to be released in 2012, I have been thinking over which of my squillion favourite Avengers heroes I want to see brought to life on the silver screen, and which ones should stay firmly on the page!
The fact is over the years there have been hundreds of members on the Avengers roster and whilst I will bring you a list in the near future of 10 Marvel heroes we do want to see in The Avengers 2, here’s ten that should never see the light of day. Disney/Marvel – please take notice of this list before work begins on the script for the sequel;
|First appearance||Amazing Adventures #1 (June 1961)|
|Created by||Stan Lee
A bad attempt to merge the mystical properties of Doctor Strange with the ancient religions of Britain, Doctor Druid is basically a dude in red spandex with a cloak. Doctor Druid (aka Dr. Anthony Ludgate Druid) has some pretty lame powers: telepathy, telekinesis and hypnotism but on less powerful levels than Professor X or Justice and he often comes off as a hoaky Derren Brown.
I like to to think of him as a comic mash-up of other good ideas. To make him interesting the writers at Marvel had to turn him evil and traitorous, being mind-controlled by a random big-bad. Not once, but twice. How he lasted for over 20 Avengers issues I will never understand and never should this limiting character see the light of day.
MACHINE MAN (or X-51)
|First appearance||2001: A Space Odyssey #8 (July 1977)|
|Created by||Jack Kirby|
Although I pay reverence to anything created by Jack Kirby, Machine Man is one character that I have never found interesting. Originally appearing in a 2001: A Space Odyssey spin-off comic, Machine Man was intended to deal with the themes of ‘what is it to be human?’ and ‘what does sentience mean in the future?’. Unfortunately The Vision covers this ground in much better and more catastrophic ways. In addition, Machine Man’s powers are pretty much the same as Inspector Gadget’s but without the fun and crazy antics of Penny & Brain to back him up.
|First appearance||Iron Man #55 (February 1973)|
|Created by||Jim Starlin
What happens when you bring the liberal attitudes of the 60’s into the 90’s and add a David Bowie-esque costume? Starfox is what happens. His real name is Eros of Titan. He is one of the Eternals and brother to the much-more-awesome Thanos. Starfox has your run-of-the-mill super powers: super strength, resistant to harm, ability to fly and survive in space. But it is his major secret ability that defines his womanising character – pleasure-stimulating powers. So unless Marvel and Universal are wanting to make Orgasmo the sequel, I don’t think we will be seeing Eros anytime soon. Oh, I forget to mention that he is possibly one of the only super heroes to be charged with sexual assault.
|First appearance||Black Knight #1 (May 1955)|
|Created by||Stan Lee (writer)
Joe Maneely (art)
I want to be wrong about this one. This is the hardest entry for me to write. Dane Whitman was passed the cursed vampiric Ebony Blade by his dying uncle who had been known as Iron Man’s nemesis, The Black Knight. He tries to forge a path as a hero to repent for his uncle’s sins but must fight the murderous influence of the mystical sword. I was drawn into this lame-seeming character during Bob Harras & Steven Epting’s epic run in the mid #300’s. Whitman became the sometime leader of the Avengers, got caught in a love-triangle between Sersi & Crystal, and managed to be awesome even though he had no super powers. A real Errol Flynn of the comic world.
Alas, swinging a laser sword (he rid himself of the Ebony Blade) is hardly going to wow the studio executives when they can have multiple arms, shape-shifting, explosive and robotic heroes.
See above Black Knight entry. Minus the coolness factor.
GILGAMESH (or The Forgotten One)
|First appearance||Eternals #13 (July, 1977)|
|Created by||Jack Kirby|
If anyone has plundered and pillaged classic literature more than Marvel for a quick buck I’d like to know. The Gilgamesh of legend was a Sumerian King and monster killer who quested for immortal life. The Gilgamesh of the Avengers is a Hercules clone with a bad costume and no personality. He is another Eternal and is supposedly the basis for all heroes of human legend. His powers: super-duper-strength, invulnerability, flight and heat beams from his hands and eyes. Yawn. At least Hercules was a demon for a flagon of mead and a few good wenches.
First appearance (character)
Astonishing Tales #6 (June, 1971)
(as Dr. Barbara Morse)
Astonishing Tales #12 (June 1972)
(as the Huntress)
Marvel Super Action #1 (January, 1976)
Marvel Team-Up #95 (July, 1980)
I don’t care that she is now on multiple teams, or briefly had her own co-titled series. Or that she was one of the heroes replaced by the Skrulls during Secret Invasion (Seriously? Mockingbird? If you were planning on infiltrating Earth through its super hero populace wouldn’t you choose someone like Captain America? No wonder the Skrulls lost). Mockingbird jumps around with a big stick and wears a silly looking face-mask. And whinges. A lot. The only reason she ever got into the Avengers in the first place was because Hawkeye wanted to get into her pants.
Nobody wants to see that in an Avengers sequel.
|First appearance||Avengers (vol. 3) #8 (September 1998)|
|Created by||Kurt Busiek (writer)
George Pérez (artist)
Part of a religious sect, idol to its mindless followers and blind believer in what was clearly some sort of pyramid scheme – Delroy Garrett Jr was a disgraced track athlete who got caught using steroids and then turned to the nearest cult, the Triune, to find penance. He was secretly imbued with powers stolen from 3-D man (also a lame super hero) and now has the power of three men.
The Avengers only asked him to join due to pressure from their government liaison, in an attempt to curb the bad publicity that the Triune was giving them. Would you really want a man with the power of three watching your back? Get me Thor.
|First appearance||Iron Man (1st series) #54 (January 1973)|
|Created by||Bill Everett
If Professor X had a few too many night caps and knocked up Jean Grey, Moondragon would be the result. A super model-looking geneticist with bald head, self-taught telepathic powers and crazy martial arts skills – how many geneticists do you know who can kick-ass and look good in a bikini? Actually, I don’t think I have ever met a geneticist so perhaps this is standard.
Apart from being dressed permanently in nothing more than a couple of lengths of ribbon, the only cool thing about Moondragon is that she is a total bitch.
|First appearance||as Dr. Foster:
Avengers # 32
as Black Goliath:
Power Man # 24
as Giant-Man II:
Marvel Two-in-One # 55
|Created by||Stan Lee
Marvel’s 1970’s answer to the Civil Right’s Movement; make an African American version of the Avengers’ Hank Pym. He has the same science background, got his powers by ingesting Pym Particles, and can grow really tall. No need to waste good thinking time on coming up with another character as wonderfully complex as Black Panther. Just put the word ‘Black’ in front of Pym’s sometime alias Goliath. The only reason he will ever be seen onscreen is if they do a Civil War adaptation (please, please, please, please) and want to have a trailer-ending shot of a 100ft tall man being murdered and collapsing onto a refinery with fiery results. Hang on. That would be awesome. Maybe I should rethink this one.
Discuss: What do you make of my Top 10 Marvel Characters we don’t want to see in The Avengers 2? Agree, disagree… anyone we missed out? Do talk below;