When did being an action hero become synonymous with winter fuel entitlement and access to cheaper public transport? It seems that you have to be in your twilight years to save the world these days, unless - by some stroke of luck - you're in possession of superpowers. So even though I've been enjoying the new influx of cheesy action that have been brought on by the success of The Expendables, of course, at a certain point you need to look objectively at the genre that almost seems to revel in its casual self-mockery. Action films aren't supposed to be serious, but there is supposed to be some sort of threat to overcome, some kind of tension to sustain the narrative. Now all we get are tired "I'm too old for this" gags thrown at us over and over again, before our intrepid heroes shuffle off to gun down another hundred nameless goons to fill the running time. Action has lost its edge - we are now bordering on all out parody. With the likes of Stallone and Arnie back to at the forefront of action movies, despite lacking most of the charisma and fitness that made them so great to begin with, I thought it was time to look through some of the main offenders who should probably consider bailing out and getting acquainted with the quiet life. This article is meant to poke fun, and isn't intended to offend anyone - that said, feel free to leave your comments below.
Notable Exception: Danny Trejo
I had no idea that this man was 69-years-old. When I spoke above about actors lampooning their own genre, I was speaking of tiresome recycled stereotypes. All that was bypassed in Machete through making it so violent and frenetic that the humour came from how just ridiculous the situation was (instead of all those terrible puns which meta-action movies hinge on nowadays). Somehow, a film that emerged as a spin-off from a minor Spy Kids character manages to be far more exciting than the recent offerings of all the other actors on this list combined. Although he has a face like a worn out school desk, you would never want to cross Danny Trejo, of course. He's built like a wall and has one of the most menacing glares in cinema history. The most surprising thing about him? That he wasn't put at the forefront of his movies until relatively recently. More Trejo please, Hollywood!