There are certain staples that need to be met in order to make for a good Bond movie: lots of action, exotic locales, a great villain with an insidious plot, vodka martinis, and, of course, ridiculously beautiful women. If that said beautiful woman happens to have a name that is a double entendre or pun–preferably a reference to a part of the female anatomy or a sexual act or position–that would be considered a definite plus.
What I present here is my list of the top five most blatantly sexual Bond girl names that you won’t believe they got away with. Granted there are quite a few more than five Bond girls that fall into this category but many of them were bit parts or the sexual puns would barely make a nun blush.
These are my absolute top five (at least in my humble opinion) Bond girls with blatantly obvious sexual names.
Warning: Spoilers ahead!
5. Xenia Onatopp – Famke Janssen (Goldeneye)
Bond: Vodka martini. Shaken, not stirred. And for you?
Xenia Onatopp: The same.
Bond: How do you take it?
Xenia: Straight up…with a twist.
Xenia Onatopp is one of the best femmes fatale in the James Bond series, certainly during the Pierce Brosnan era. A former Soviet fighter pilot, Xenia joins the crime syndicate Janus along with former MI6 agent and friend to Bond, Alec Treveylan. Played by Famke Janssen (also Jean Grey in the X-Men films), Onatopp first encounters Bond during a “friendly” car chase. Later they are properly introduced in a casino where Bond gets the better of her in a game of baccarat. Onatopp is not pleased as she does indeed like to be on top in all facets of her life.
Her most memorable characteristic: she appears to receive sexual satisfaction through killing people, whether by simply gunning them down or crushing men between her thighs during sex. That is a steel trap you wouldn’t want to get caught in…maybe.
During her final fight with Bond, Onatopp rappels down from a helicopter into the Cuban jungle. After nearly passing out from being caught in her man trapping thighs, Bond reconnects the rope from the helicopter to her harness and shoots the helicopter pilot with Onatopp’s own AK. As the helicopter loses control, Onatopp is pulled away and gets caught in the fork of a tree, eventually being crushed to death. A fitting end for a woman who always had to be on top.
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