Nothing can hurt a film pre-release like harsh chatter. It can be on internet forums and blogs where the masses collect with an arsenal of subjective opinions to propel an onslaught of fanboy hate and loyalty to beat a predestined wound into a franchise’s skin. The alternative may be on TV where both critics and wannabe critics can hold their own with stay-at-home moms that shun a movie’s premise based on a quote taken out of context while ignoring the true offensive rubbish their kids watch right behind them.
In magazines, text messages, and debates over a cup of tea or coffee with fellow movie buffs, we can and will complain about a movie for whatever fruitless reasons that we hold dear: the sequel is twenty years too late—the series lost life years ago—the main actor won’t do it justice and I don’t know why I think that—a movie should never have that kind of budget—I’ll only watch the original—blah, blah, blah.
Usually spawning from a life-long attachment to traits of pessimism or being too insecure of not agreeing with the cool kids around you, pages amongst pages of both digital type and ink have been devoted to every opinion of a mind that has the ability to make one. But in the end, just face it, whether you waste your nights writing negative comments on YouTube videos or sitting grudgingly at the work’s lunch table as co-workers rant about the next blockbuster…you will still go buy a ticket and watch it.
Admit it, you will do it anyway. Kick and scream as you might, at the end of the day, when that new film you’ve been roasting for months on your Twitter feed about releases you’re going to shut up, take the time from your day and watch it no matter how much you said you never would.
So here I present five movies you will complain about every step of the way (casting, direction, overall existence) but you will end contributing to its final profit. Also, because I am, just like most of you I’m sure, one of those people who complain on the internet, I give you five films with hype and attention that no one should see. And unlike the premise of the first topic, I seriously intend to not see and contribute to the further production of such franchises.
Now we start with those you will complain about…
This article was first posted on September 12, 2013