Recently, a cursory glance at IMDb’s top 250 films led to a stark re-evaluation of the nature of cinema. While there are no doubts that the films that occupy the top spots deserve to be there (apart from Pulp Fiction), there’s a quick assessment that can be made that some of them are a little bit, well, boring…Or serious and in need of an explosion of fun.

None may be more relevant (or easily parodyable) than David Fincher’s brilliant Fight Club, which whilst being very intelligent, pacy and occasionally witty is still very serious; fighting, anti-establishment ideologies in a cult of personality situation and someone legitimately having a sexual relationship with Helena Bonham Carter makes for a rather stern viewing experience, which I feel needs a little bit extra.

One of the most famous aspects of Fight Club are the established set of rules, which caption the setup of their underground bare chested wrestling society rather well, but with a little bit of tinkering could help take this film in other directions, which could possibly help push Fight Club towards that hallowed IMDb number 1 spot.

So prepare yourselves as Fight Club gets a brand new treatment. And bear in mind that this is completely tongue in cheek so put down your pitch forks and enjoy something for once, internet.

Rule 1: Girl World Rules From Mean Girls

The Rule:

You can’t wear a tank top two days in a row, and you can only wear your hair in a ponytail once a week. So I guess you picked today. Oh, and we only wear jeans or track pants on Fridays. Halloween is the one night a year you can dress up like a total slut and a piece of animal attire.

How These Rules Would Improve Fight Club:

While the dull colour scheme may help in setting the grim tone of pretty much every David Fincher movie, it doesn’t help the film leap out and grab you with style and pazzaz, you have to draw your attention to performances, directorial style and dialogue which is something a modern cinemagoer can do without.

Could you imagine anything more eye-catching than Meat Loaf’s breast heavy Bob in a furry corset with a pair of mouse ears on? Anyone who would rather see anything different in a grim movie about fighting and finding ones individual place in a world of rules and misery are lying to you. I repeat: lying to you.

People who pretend their lives can’t be improved by strictly regimented fashion rules and overweight men in corsets are clearly kidding themselves, and this added to Fight Club would only add to the fun.

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This article was first posted on November 24, 2012