7 Movie Crises That Would Have Been Solved In Seconds by Batman

6. The Usual Suspects

The Situation: Someone knows just what the hell happened on a boat that left men dead and dying, and that someone is a man named Verbal Kint, who sits in a detective's office, being berated by a man of the law while weaving together a tale of colorful characters, convoluted plots, and delicious deception. Enter The Batman: If Verbal Kint wasn't a, pardon the phrase taken from the film, gimp before he walked into that interrogation room, he sure would have been after he walked out. See, Dave Kujan and Batman have very different styles of getting information. Kujan likes to listen, while Batman likes to see how many full sentences can be formed in the midst of teeth falling out of a rag-doll suspect. At that moment, it doesn't matter if Kint is Keyser Soze or not, because even the great Turkish legend couldn't have predicted that in order to get out of this situation, he'd have to be prepared to swallow fists that were bathed in the fires of hell and nightmares. So, a few punches here, a few broken tables there, and a spinal injury later, we'd probably find Kint (or Soze) no better off than the burnt man in the hospital, a hoarse whisper maliciously and hypnotically chanting "Batman...Batman..." as he tries to remember a time where he wasn't in a perpetual state of soiling himself.
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Cameron Carpenter is an aspiring screenwriter, current film and journalism student, and self-diagnosed cinephile, which only sounds bad in certain circles. Devoted fan of comics, movies, theater, Jesus Christ, Sidney Lumet, and Peter O'Toole, he sometimes spends too much time on his Scribd and comicbookmovie.com, but doesn't think you're one to judge, devoted reader. You can follow him on Twitter to watch him talk to people you didn't know exist. Oh, and Daredevil is quite the big deal around here (my head).