(Originally published on
The Rec ) The guy is scarier in real life than he is behind the camera. However, his stupidity remains consistent.
Rob Zombie, former front man for a C-grade rock band and current bad boy of C-grade horror flicks, has finished the principal production of his abhorrent, blasphemous remake of
John Carpenter's classic
"Halloween." Zombie would like everyone to believe that people are over-reacting to his ass-raping molestation of possibly the greatest horror film of all time. On his myspace page, Zombie chastises the masses who clench their bowels and howl in agony over this horrific cinematic injustice. For some unknown reason, Zombie cannot understand
why this film should not be remade. And then he opens his mouth to
MTV.A story posted today on MTV contains an on-set visit to the despised production, and an interview with the fucktard behind the camera. Zombie, in an apparent effort to discourage even the opening weekend curiosity seekers, unearthed these piles of shit:
" always bothered me. They would always play that off like someone must have given him lessons, but you know no one gave him lessons! He's in a maximum-security prison! So, no, he doesn't drive."
Contrary to Internet rumors, Zombie's "Halloween" has no discernible time period and begins well before the original's opening scene of young Michael killing his sister Judith (Laurie doesn't even come into the film until the final third). Now, the 6-year-old slaughters five of his relatives and is then sent to Loomis' sanitarium.
" were perfect for the original because nothing had become iconic," Zombie said, insisting that his movie will explain many of their origins. "It was just, 'Oh, the jumpsuit; big deal, it's a jumpsuit,' or, 'Oh the mask; big deal, it's a mask.' "
"In this film, Michael has as a child," said Wayne Toth, the special-effects makeup artist on the flick, explaining why the new mask has scars on it. "While he's away , this time he's buried it in the basement of the Myers' house. So when he gets out, he digs it up and it's rotten."
Zombie won't replicate Carpenter's classic one-take opening scene. "Since I've already spent a half-hour developing the little kid," he reasoned, "to do any kind of mysterious POV would be ridiculous."
And check this out and tell me this doesn't sound fucking horrible:
Laurie has traded in her skirts and turtlenecks for Chuck Taylor sneakers and a skull-depicting hoodie. "She's conservative, but she has a little bit of an attitude now," said Taylor-Compton, whose character engages in a risqué conversation about bagel holes with her embarrassed mom.
The worst of the worst is this news, something I feared from the first second I heard about this remake:
One final change might just be the most controversial of them all: The dropping of the famous "Halloween" theme composed by Carpenter. "The plan was at some point to , to change it around," Zombie said, revealing that it has since been shelved. "The actual way it sounds now doesn't really work with what we're doing." "We've reimagined the picture," producer Andy Gould added. "Perhaps a reimagining of the sound is in order too."
Um, huh? The original score is easily the greatest horror score of all time, and one of the very best of any genre. An absolute TRAVESTY!! There have been some amazingly bad original films made. There have been terrible remakes made. We have even endured some disgustingly bad "reimaginings." But this is almost beyond comprehension. It almost makes me yearn for the days of Norman Bates masturbating in
Gus Van Sant's "Psycho" remake. Karma will get you, Rob Zombie, and it will not feel regret when they lower you into the cold, hard ground for this one.