With reviews that were not wholly unexpected that Les Wiseman’s Total Recall is a bit of a stinker, hopes remain high for the other Paul Verhoeven remake that is in production, RoboCop.
Where Total Recall had Colin Farrell, Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Biel, RoboCop has a far more impressive cast with Joel Kinnaman, Gary Oldman, Hugh Laurie and Samuel L. Jackson to name but a few. RoboCop also has a much more respected director at the helm, Elite Squad helmer Jose Padilha. So with all that potential, the following news might be disappointing to say the least.
WARNING: SPOILERS FOLLOW!
Drew McWeeny from HitFix was lucky enough to read the script for RoboCop and immediately took to Twitter to voice his anger and break the news that fans of the franchise were dreading. He began with;
”I tried to read the “Robocop” remake, but 20 pages in my nose started bleeding and I forgot my name. #nobueno #reallynobueno”
”I’ll share this one detail. In the film, when Murphy is turned into Robocop 1.0, it’s described “a high-tech version of the ’80s suit.”
Ok, so we will see a version of the 80′s suit in the film. That will be quite cool! He continues;
”Then they show a focus group scene where criminals laugh at the design. “He looks like a toy from the ’80s!”
”So they redesign him to look “meaner” as Robocop 2.0, who passes focus group approval.”
”So they not only make sure to include the original design, they also point out it’s dated and stupid. *facepalm*”
So they laugh at the original suit and say it looks like a ”toy from the ’80s!” That’s a great way to piss off your established fan base. And it makes no sense considering the original suit doesn’t look dated at all! Anyhow McWeeny presses on;
”Short version: this script makes my stomach hurt very, very badly.”
Good to know.
”Hold onto your sides for more hilarious “Robocop” details. They outsource his construction to China. #seriously”
”And we meet the ED-209s in the field in Iran, where they’re used to subdue suicide bombers. #ineedallthedrinksnow”
”Ahhh… now they just dropped Robocop 3.0 onto an Al Queda training camp to see what he does.”
Facepalm! So RoboCop will be going all international and fighting terrorists. Let’s carry on;
“He should be programmed to incapacitate in all scenarios.” “Agreed. Let’s keep him PG-13, Dr. Norton.” No. No. No. No.”
”By page 54, they are already onto Robocop 4.0, who looks like a “cop on steroids painted metallic blue.”
The next bit will prove to be the most controversial.
”Oh, god… oh dear god… Robocop is a Transformer. He goes from “social mode” to “combat mode” and back. Full transformation.”
You can picture the CGI overload now. When did they decide it would be a good idea to have RoboCop transform??? You can bet your bottom dollar that it has something to do with making RoboCop appeal to children and sell lots of toys.
”Okay… the two “best” lines in the script. First up is at the unveiling ceremony for Robocop in Detroit, from a TV reporter covering it.”
“I think it’s safe to say that Alex Murphy is now part man, part machine, ALL COP!” Yes, I too remember the original poster, asshat.”
“Someone shows Pope, head of the OCP project, some mock-ups for RoboCop action figures. ‘Are you kidding? I wouldn’t buy that for a dollar!”
”When this thing hits theaters, people are going to call up Len Wiseman’s “Total Recall” on the phone and apologize for being so mean.”
So we will get a few crap, cheesy nods to the original. McWeeny does end on a slight positive;
”I’ll say this: once the script stops all the winky-winky crap and just starts telling a story, it’s not terrible. But it’s way too late.”
”If you can get past Robocop The Transformer, there are some interesting action beats. And I’m sure Padilla will direct the hell out of it.”
”But overall? Ouch. Ouch. Ohpleasedon’t. Ouch. And a big side order of ouch.”
So there we have it. The biggest concern at this point is the transforming nonsense and also the disrespect of the 1987 classic suit which will annoy the RoboCop fan base. Concerns about Joshua Zetumer and Nick Schenk’s script are equally worrying especially as we know they have never written anything to this scale before.
I know we have to wait until the film is released and these are the thoughts of one individual, but going on the information he has given us, after a positive start, RoboCop the remake might be on shaky ground.
RoboCop will be in cinemas on August 9, 2013