Ghosts N' Goblins. Aw, the name's kinda cute, really, isn't it? I mean, it's sorta tricky and spooky. "Ghosts and goblins." As far as enemies go, they're not so bad, are they? It's hardly vampires and werewolves, is it? No. Because it's ten trillion times worse than any other combination of terrifying creatures you can conjure up in your mind's eye. Seriously, Ghosts N' Goblins is the video game equivalent of being smashed in the mouth by a delinquent wielding a hammer.
And once you've managed to rehabitlate yourself and regain the confidence to go outdoors again? Well, your hammer-wielding attacker is waiting for you with a stupid grin stuck across his face, of course. Hellishly difficult, this NES platformer - which sent you on a Knight's quest to rescue a princess (no amount of "princess-time" could make this quest worth it) - has most definitely earned its reputation as an "insanely unfair exercise is degrading human dignity." And Sir Arthur, your 8-bit character, is probably the most patient fictional character ever conceived.
As you move through various levels, the game's enemies, presumably programmed by the Devil himself, will swoop in at impossible angles to damage you. Two hits, and it's back to the start. The game also decided to embrace real-world physics, which meant that jumping became "landing and being killed." And just because it apparently wasn't hard enough, completing the game will prompt it to restart at a harder difficulty before you can truly complete it.
Why? Because everything you just did was an "illusion," you schmuck. Who the hell said old games were better?