5 Video Game Worlds You Would Hate To Live In

4. Super Mario Bros.

A day in the life... It's like my wife has been saying for a while now... in this turbulent and highly unpredictable climate, there's no shame in taking up any job you can get your hands on. I've got to pay my way somehow, and to be perfectly honest, it's lucky that Mr. Bowser had some positions available in his organization for a little guy like me. The job doesn't sound too tough, either. Just gotta deploy myself every morning and walk through the Mushroom Kingdom. It's a great way to exercise and a great way to see the big wide world. I can wave at those cute hillsides and clouds with the faces. You know what? This could be great. I'm one lucky son of a goomba. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PsC0zIhWNww All right. Day one. Stationed in 1-1. I hear this is kind of a newbie zone, but I'm enjoying the heck out of it. I'm totally psyched. I like this catchy music in the background. I could listen to this over and over. Hello everyone! Hello red turtle man! Hello green turtle man! You guys work for Mr. Bowser, too? What a neat coincidence. That makes us colleges, I guess. Da-da-dee. Da-da-dum. Hey, guys, what's that? You see that thing in the distance? Who's the guy in the red? Wait a second. Oh, man... what the hell is he doing? Oh my God. He's gone insane! Is he a plumber? He's getting closer! He's smashing the place to pieces! He's tearing the world apart! Hey! No! What are you doing with green turtle man? Oh, God, he squashed him into his shell and threw him into a block! And he did all that... for a freakin' mushroom? Oh, man, he's coming my way. Can't stop, though, or I'll be fired. Need salary. Gotta have salary. Keep going. Keep moving. Deep breathing. Oh, man. Brace yourself, goomba! Phew. He went by me. He's gone. I made it. And now I just keep on moving. Keep on moving, goomba. Don't stop now. Mr. Bowser is gonna be so proud of you, boy. Hey, is that a hole? I can jump over holes, right? What's to hate? 90% of Mushroom Kingdom inhabitants are on Bowser's payroll. That means the chances of you encountering Mario are extremely high if you happen to live in the Mushroom Kingdom and you're employed by somebody. When you're playing as Mario, of course, racing through the individual stages doesn't seem as horribly destructive as it might if you were on the other end of the action. For a lowly goomba just getting on with his day, hearing that famous catchphrase "It's a-me! Mario!" in the distance is like a signed declaration from the Angel of Death. Mario stomps through the Mushroom Kingdom with absolutely no regard for its aesthetics, smashing and breaking and killing everything in his path and sucking up coins like it's going out of business. Does he care at all about this place? And if the sight of the red plumber wasn't traumatic enough for those Bowser employees who manage to slip beneath his radar, Mario's green-clad brother will more than likely be making his way along the same path in the next few minutes to perform an identical march of destruction. Maybe Wario is hiring somewhere. Likelihood of Death: 8/10
 
Posted On: 
Contributor

All-round pop culture obsessive.