Last week I was invited to a certain game developer’s head office (let’s call them Ed Smith Games) for a hands-on with one of their upcoming titles (Ed Smith Sim 2000). As per my editor’s request, I was to playtest the game, grill the lead designer and pick up some info on what the company was working on next. As per my short attention span and hangover, I walked out after four hours and had a Greggs.
Here are five tips to make sure you don’t do the same.
5. The Game You’re Playing is Rubbish. Deal With It
Unless you’re one of the higher up staff writers at an actual magazine, the chances of you playtesting the new GTA are slim to Christian Bale in The Machinist. For every Bioshock: Infinite there are a hundred Ed Smith Sim 2000s, replete with derivative gameplay, embarrassing dialogue and graphics so bland they could present The One Show. And it’s your job to play them, for a long time, by yourself, with headphones on. My advice is to note down all the things you want to say in your review. Not things you can say; things you wish you could say. By the end of my time at Ed Smith Games my notepad had more swearwords on it than a pub toilet. “This game sucks so much c*ck” I duly noted “that you could hang it up at a birthday party and use it as a f*ck*ng sp*nk piñata.” Be creative. It makes the time between free coffees go much quicker. Speaking of which…