This is an article aimed at all my fellow Modern Warfare 3 players out there, because after having a session of 8 or so games in which I successfully demonstrated the very definition of FAIL, I was feeling a little like Gerald Butler when that Persian guy claims Sparta will burn to the ground: ready to find the nearest living thing and beat its face in, or kick it down a huge well. Have you ever been so frustrated you just wanted to drop kick a kitten? Ok well maybe it wasn’t that bad, and after a whole night of unending, non-stop getting shot in the back, instead of opening a can of Sparta on something’s face I figured maybe I could share the methods of digitally dying that exponentially increase most of our profanity levels and drive us absolutely insane. The deaths that define cheap, bush league, B.S., n00bish, etc. After all, misery loves company right?

In no particular order here we go.

17. N00b tubes

They were a nuisance in MW1, and nothing has changed. Throw in this same category any randomly tossed grenade from across the map that somehow lands right between your feet as well. Freakin n00bs.

16. Marathon Frustration

The “get spawned in the very corner of the map and spend 45 seconds sprinting to the other side towards the sound of gunfire only to get there and immediately get shot by the one random guy who’s just sitting behind a door” death.

15. Sneaky Bastards

The “stare at a doorway or corner for like 40 seconds straight before quickly glancing the other way only to instantly have a guy round that corner and shoot you square in the back” death. Frustration. City.

14. Foolish Reloading

The “shoot 3 guys in a row, decide it’s safe to reload, hit the reload button, and have a guy round a corner literally 2 milliseconds after you hit the button” death.

13. Armour-Plated Annoyance

Mainly in hardcore, the “get the drop on a guy, shoot him, HIT him the exact amount of times it would normally take to drop a guy, and take your sights off because you think you got him only to realize he’s had a friggin’ ballistic vest and he’s now shooting back at you” death.

12. Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Dead

Also in hardcore, the “one sniper guy who has perfect camouflage and can shoot you from across the map without you even knowing you were being shot at and because you keep trying to see him you get shot over, and over, and over” death. Maybe this one is just me because I can be stubborn and I like payback…a lot… but yea.

11. Camping Fail

The “decide you want to just hide in a corner for a minute or two and get some easy kills before they come looking for you, getting the drop on a guy, MISSING, and getting shot in the face because you suck at the easiest thing to do in all of video games (camping)” death.

10. Quick-Draw Loser

Along those lines, the “you and another guy see each other at the exact same time and shoot at the same time and you hit him 4 times but somehow you’re still the one who ends up dying” death.

9. “Clever Girl”

Otherwise known as the Muldoon Death. The “rounding the corner and getting the perfect drop on someone, pulling up your sights, and just as you’re squeezing the trigger getting absolutely blindsided by a hail of bullets” death.

8, 7, and 6. Boobies

Any lethal object that’s been placed on the ground with malicious intent, namely the bouncing betty, the IMF, and the friggin claymore. Don’t you love that eternity of time between the moment when you hear that first “CLICK” and the moment when you realize you have absolutely zero options for somehow avoiding it and just wearing it like a champ? I don’t.

5. Death From Above

Two words. Stealth. Bomber. Somehow those only get called in when I’m completely in the open and have no chance of hiding. Every time.

4. Stealth Error

Anytime you try to get cocky when you sneak up on someone and either knife them in the back or go for a headshot or something, and they somehow accidentally avoid it and shoot you full of holes. That’s always a good moment to think about just quitting.

3. Hell Spawn

One thing that always makes me at least think about throwing my controller through the nearest window is the Free For All “spawn and have a guy spawn in the exact same spot half a second later so he can knife you in the back” death. It’s fun when your guy number 2. It’s not fun when you’re number 1.

2. Bendy Bullets

The “see a guy shoot at you and run completely around a corner before somehow getting shot, AROUND THE CORNER, by the guy you just ran away from” death. Figure it out Call of Duty. Don’t give me false hope and then shatter it like that.

1. Superhuman Gunner

For me personally, the most irritating, infuriating death comes when you have one of those guys who run around with akimbo FMG9’s. Somehow MW3 decided it would be a good idea to throw any hint at reality way out the window and make those things absurdly accurate, fast, and lethal. I’m sorry MW3, but when a guy is shooting 2 guns at the same time, from the hip, at a full run, from 80 yards away, he’d be lucky to hit a freakin cow, let alone square me up WITH THE FIRST THREE SHOTS!!! FPSRussia and Chuck Norris are the only 2 humans capable of such feats. Period.

I’m sure I’ve left quite a few out, so feel free to add to the list. Stay frosty…

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