15 Problems Only Burlesque Performers Will Understand

It's not all feathers, sparkles and bubbly wine... although they do feature heavily.

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We've all seen the film (if you're lucky enough to have missed it then seriously, do not see the film) but the reality of being a full-time Burlesque performer is a far cry from the scene painted on Dita Von Moneybags Instagram page. Here are 15 very real struggles that only a fancy stripper will understand...

15. Suitcase Injuries

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About 10% of a Burlesquer's career is actually spent being fabulous on stage. The other 90 is spent dragging fairly large luggage around their city of work. Tube escalators, stairs, through swarms of tourists on those early Saturday afternoon gigs. No ground is left untouched when it comes to transporting all the paraphernalia necessary for each gig. Unfortunately, this does often mean that bruised, shins, hips and "suitcase handle hands" become a permanent fixture. Also, these otherwise friendly questions "Are you going on holiday/moving house?" and "Been anywhere nice?" make you want to tape people's mouths shut with your double-sided tit tape.
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Rachel-Jade McVay hasn't written a bio just yet, but if they had... it would appear here.