15 Problems Only Cocktail Bartenders Understand

'The luck is gone...the brain is shot...but the liquor we still got...'

In the words of Tom Cruise in Cocktail; 'I see America drinking the fabulous cocktails I make. Americans getting stinky on something I stir or shake'. Cocktail making is all about the mix, the mash and the muddle and you're at the top of your game. You always put on a good show when you're hard at work layering, flaring and enjoying a few little tasters along the way. Punches, sours, slings, cobblers, shrubs, toddies, flips you have got the lot locked into memory and have read The Classic Cocktail Bible inside and out over a hundred times. You're more equipped than a surgeon when it comes to slicing, dicing and putting out your pièce de résistance. When someone walks into your domain you know what kind of cocktail they are looking for just by looking them up and down; in you - the public trust. True skill and mastery needs to take place when working on cocktails but as if there isn't enough on your chopping board there's also there are a few frustrating problems along the way and these are just to name a few...

15. Having An Extensive Menu Of The Best Cocktails And Then Someone Asks You For A Sex On The Beach

Cocktail8 Gif

You know the feeling; there's a group of girls giggling at the bar 'oooh'-ing and 'aaaah'-ing over your long list of wonderful and exciting cocktails, you can hear them discussing how exciting they all look and how many they haven't tried or heard of before. Then it comes...the soul-crushing moment; the cocktail menu has been put down and they look at you doe-eyed and say the dreaded words, 'can we just have a jug of Sex on the Beach'. Sigh. There goes your time to shine.

14. Never Having Fun At Parties Because You're Expected To Work The Bar

Lonely Benedict Gif Gif The music is blasting, the guests are coming in through the door by the dozens and everyone is in high spirits knowing they are going to have a great party tonight...everyone except for you that is. Stuck on the bar as always because you are 'the cool cocktail making friend' and you've not even had time to pick up your own drink as you are far too busy working on everyone else's. Hang on are you even going to get paid for all this?

13. Reading Through The Entire Menu To A Customer Then They Choose A Mojito

Cocktail5 Gif '...and what's this one?', '...is this one quite strong?', '...which one's has vermouth?', '...are there any without strawberries in?' - the customer has asked over a hundred questions but after all that the final question is sadly, 'can I just have a Mojito instead?'. Sure you can, time waster.
 
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Regina Falange hasn't written a bio just yet, but if they had... it would appear here.