You know that subtle annoyance you feel as you're watching football on the TV? That niggling irritation you feel as you listen to football conversations in the pub? That impulse you can't seem to control that makes you detox from football every fifth year of your life? Have no fear, for many of us share the same symptoms; we are all suffering from Football Cliche Aversion. While your extreme responses are a good thing - this is just your immune system trying to protect you - you're at greater risk of developing Cliche Syndrome yourself if you spend a lot of time digesting the views of football pundits and former players turned television personalities. The syndrome creeps up slowly: first you start quoting John Motson, then you're laughing at Lineker's jokes. Before you know it you're fully parroting Alan Shearer with a bit of Lawro thrown in for poetic advantage, and you genuinely start to think Michael Owen is a good commentator. But the time has come to take a stand. Those not yet infected must mass against the cliche epidemic and expand the sporting vocabulary of this nation. Are you ready to tool up and fight back? Then read on, soldier...
