The inquest into Newcastle United's capitulation at The Etihad Stadium last weekend continues to rumble on. However, the reason for The Magpies' second half collapse has been staring us all in the face for some time... Steve McClaren's hair is to blame, and here's why... No one knows what was said in that United dressing room at half time; although we can surmise that Steve doused the majority of his squad in booze and sleeping pills at the very least as the Magpies proceeded to stop everything they did so well in the first period. Standing at around 5 ft 10 inches tall Steve isn't the tallest guy around, so one thing we can guarantee is that his team talk was conducted with the entire squad up on their feet. Why? Because they followed a tactical framework that mother nature has laid upon the former England manager's bonce. We've all had our own little chuckles at that rather miraculous bald patch that decimates McClaren's scalp, and questioned why he hasn't had it corrected in equal measure. He may be pushing some emergency hair replacement surgery through ASAP as the taller members of his squad - Moussa Sissoko, Chancel Mbemba, Aleksandar Mitrovic and the like - obviously had their respective gazes transfixed on the former England manager's patchiness during his interval pep talk. During the first half, the Black and Whites were first to every ball, hunting the Citizens in packs before mauling each of their classier ball players with devastating ferocity. That all stopped after half time as Sergio Aguero scored four goals in 13 second half minutes. That mentality of hunting in packs left United and gave the Aguero pockets of space just in front of an exposed NUFC back line - just about where Steve's major strap of 'baldiness' is if the top of his head was to be the NUFC half of the Eithad's pitch. Newcastle's midfield - who pretty much dominated proceedings in the first half - became timid and frail, failing to convince anyone they were doing their jobs properly. Funnily enough, this is something that could be said about McClaren's frontal tuft... There was a distinct disconnect - much like the two main sections of Steve's mane - between Newcastle's lines that wasn't there in the first half and Aguero punished them to devastating effect. To the rear of Steve's scalp now and there is a traditional bald patch which in this instance sums up Tim Krul to perfection. No matter how many strands of hair (defenders) McClaren tried to mould into covering up his bald patch (Krul), this didn't stop the patch being exposed and letting everything and anything through... Maybe Steve should consider conducting his team talks wearing a hat from now on... His hair is giving his squad all sorts of terrible ideas. So there's a more quirky way of looking at Newcastle United's pitfalls during that horrid second half on Saturday. You can follow me on Twitter and tell me what a load of twaddle this is @RWTweddell.
