Like a lot (most? some?) of you, I've been at a loss since the third season of Game of Thrones ended. In my darkest moments, I've found myself wandering around muttering "Hodor" and craving pork sausage. Sure, I tried to fill the void by training a "raven" (our pet guinea pig, Nibbles) to carry messages and I even polished "dragonglass" (my bathroom mirror) in preparation for any chance encounters with White Walkers. However, I met with only limited success: for her part, Nibbles just chewed up the pieces of paper on which I had scrawled urgent missives to my roommate ("Remember to replace the roll of toilet paper if you use it up!!!" and "Did you eat my Chinese take out leftovers???"). On the plus side, my bathroom mirror has never looked better. While waiting, waiting, waiting for season four of the show to begin, I got to thinking about my favorite characters and wondering what they might be doing in my place. Would Tyrion Lannister remain silent in the supermarket express checkout line after noting that the number of items the customer in front of him had placed on the conveyer belt exceeds the posted limit? No, he'd make some biting comment like, "You don't have to be the Master of the Coin to understand that twenty-one items is not equal to fifteen!" Actually, he'd think of something much more clever than that, but you get where I'm going with this: how would my life be different if I behaved like the denizens of Westeros? If nothing else, considering the possibilities would give me something to do while I wait for season four.
10. Plan A Strategic Marriage For A Child
In season three, Tywin Lannister pairs off his son, Tyrion, and his daughter, Cersei, in loveless marriages in order to consolidate the Lannisters's power in Westeros. After imagining myself as Tywin Lannister and thoroughly considering potential candidates, I decide to arrange a marriage between my nine year old and the ten year old who lives in the big house on the corner lot at the end of our street. The nine year old might protest (she's got her heart set on Harry Styles from One Direction) and the neighborhood has been awash for weeks now in unsubstantiated rumors that the ten year old believes all girls have cooties, but I hope to be as persuasive as Tywin, and I think I can convince the boy's parents that a strategic alliance between our families will give us control of Magnolia Drive, and possibly all the way onto Elm Street, if I can get my five year old to stop playing with her Hello Kitty Drive In Diner long enough to give that Hamilton boy a second look. Wish me luck.
Karen lives in Philadelphia with her husband and a lovesick cat. She has a law degree which, oddly enough, has left her ill-prepared for her current occupation of binge watching television. When there's nothing good on TV, she writes for the humor blog, Do Not Get Sick in the Sink, Please.
