"Kids, I’m going to tell you an incredible story. The story of how I met your mother [and banged loads of other random chicks along the way]."
It has been nearly three and a half years since Ted Mosby’s patient children heard the concluding chapter of how their parents fell madly in love.
While the finale still divides opinion, the simultaneously heart-wrenching and belly-laughing tangents that Ted led us down made HIMYM the most adored sitcom of its generation.
Those tangents often remembered the other women in Ted’s life, of which there was enough to fill that famous booth at MacLaren's five times over.
What might have been had any of these 30 girls (filtered to include only those significant enough to be the focus of at least one episode) been the owner of that yellow umbrella?
A true devil woman, Ted dated Karen on-and-off during college despite her bedding the nearest working penis the moment that he left her alone in his dormitory.
They got back together in season four and thank God it was only briefly. Karen’s snobbery brought out the worst in our occasionally pretentious narrator.
Season eight’s Jeanette was the last serious girlfriend that Ted had before meeting the mother, which was why she was designed by the writers as a figure for viewers to hate.
And hating her was easy. There was nothing remotely likeable about the bonkers blonde, who ended up destroying most of Ted’s belongings in a fire. Way off the hot-crazy scale.