Ah yes: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems, as Homer Simpson would have us believe! Personally I think there's enough alcohol out there on the streets already, contributing more to violent and senseless crime without more being put on the market, but that's the task this time around: create your own beer with its own special flavour. And with the departure of Jaz there's a surprise from Lord Sugar --- well, not really a surprise: we knew he would do this at some point, just didn't expect it this soon. But that's to come. First we're treated to the bouncing figure of Luisa in her jammies, and I mean bouncing! Almost a "wardrobe malfunction" there! She's certainly full of energy. On the way to the meeting spot Jason advances the theory that he should be PM again, not realising, or ignoring the fact that the boys won last time despite his leadership, not because of it. Tim the Mad Budgie, having wanted to be noticed, is, and it results in his being transferred to the girls' team, and made their Project Manager. They gotta love that! Nobody's stepping up for the boys either this time, as Lord Sugar declares that Kurt will lead Endeavour. Whether to success or failure, only the next hour will tell, but he can't be as bad a leader as Jason. Can he? Rather funny when he says, in an aside to camera, "This is something I can get my teeth into" and the next shot is of our favourite member of the Undead, Alex! One of the guys thinks nettles would be a good beer flavour. No, seriously: nettles. Sure, that's something I've always wanted to taste. What? You haven't? The girls decide to go --- well, mad really, as they all advance different ideas, and Tim's original decision at the start, to go for the female market, is quickly shut down. Back with the boys, Kurt decides for some odd reason to put Zee, whose religion forbids him to touch alcohol, on the subteam making the beer! Although he argues against it --- and he's becoming quite the little arguer, our Zee! --- Kurt seems to be one of those people who makes his mind up and then moves on, single-minded to a fault, completely ignoring any dissenting opinion, and once again Zee goes unheard. His contention that his skill set is in marketing is completely ignored. So the manufacturing team head off to the Midlands, and the boys discuss their low opinion of Kurt, while the girls brainstorm ideas for locations at which to test their beer, and decide, mostly on the recommendation of Rebecca, to go for the Kent Beer Festival. The boys on the marketing team call the manufacturing team and Kurt again lays down the law, telling them they've decided to go for the amber beer with a chocolate orange flavour, whereas the boys in the factory have not yet tasted all the beers and are of the opinion that stout is a better taste. Kurt though, steamrollers over every objection and it's almost as if he's talking to himself, or someone beneath him. He definitely doesn't place any store in, or take any account of, anything anyone on the other subteam says. And they say a lot. The girls on the other hand, with Tim at their head, try out flavours, but are soon completely lost in the ratios and percentages, with their onsite expert twice telling them they have used too high a proportion of their ingredient and it is at the moment not safe to drink, so they have to dump a hundred and fifty pints of the stuff, which is all costing them money. And time. Luisa has a problem with the graphics designer and tries to tell him how to do his job, and an argument breaks out between her and Uzma, with the poor guy looking very uncomfortable in the middle! How very unprofessional! The boys meanwhile brainstorm names, and come up with A Bitter This --- clever, huh? Neil came up with the idea, and doesn't let anyone forget it, even customers later. Quote of the episode comes from him: "I think behind every successful Project Manager there's a Neil Clough!" Yeah, poised with a sharp knife... While the girls struggle with getting their beer mix correct, the boys are already bottling, labelling and packing, so are well ahead. The next morning the beer is ready and Neil seems to think that people will see his bottles as collector's items. Hmm. Let's see: no, no, I don't see any on ebay just yet... Tim is reminded that he has not appointed a subteam leader and goes for Rebecca, which does not go down well with the other girls. Zee and Jason have another argument in the car, with Jason being so insufferably smug that the vampire has to shout at him to shut up. The other subteam end up at the St. Albans Beer Festival, where they appear to set their prices a little high --- four pounds for a pint? I'm Irish, so I know our beer is a lot more expensive than over there in the UK, but even I think that's a bit high. Tim and the girls head to the Kent Beer Festival, but it's a little deserted, and in fact turns out to be nothing more than a local pub. The other half of the team go to try selling to the trade, and manage some quite competitve prices, mostly led by Rebecca again, though she has to shut Uzma down again, which does not go over well with the young businesswoman. She does admit, rather grudgingly, that Rebecca's pitch was good. Notwithstanding that, there's another clash of personalities in the car, and it's clear these two are never going to be friends. Zee and Jason and the subteam go to try to sell to the trade too, but --- wait for it --- wait for it --- with no samples for the buyers to try! Vampire Alex accuses the PM of not giving them any samples, which Kurt refutes. He decides to send them over some, as they can't sell without samples, can they? Didn't someone do this last series, or the one before that? Arrived with a pitch but no product? How stupid are these people? Do new candidates never watch the old series? Look out! Morris Dancers! Sorry, just thought I should warn any of you with dicky hearts. Sure gave me a nasty start! With samples now, Zee takes the pitch and is negotiating for a price of £95, then says he can do ninety, before Jason stumbles in and sabotages the pitch with an offer of seventy-five! A big argument ensues in the street outside, not surprisingly, but Jason just smiles and rolls his eyes: he really can't see why they're so annoyed with him. Tim's subteam decide to move their venue to --- a wine bar! Um, yeah. Cos that's what everyone drinks in a wine bar, isn't it: beer? Zee is again blindsided by Jason, when the buyer, struggling with his price of £75 --- which they've been forced to offer as word has obviously got around the beer grapevine (should that be the barleyvine?) of the deal the other crowd got --- is concerned that they have no pump clips. Not having the time to go back and get the clips, Zee offers the guy a better deal, £70 for one barrel, but Jason pipes up "Three!" Zee looks at him in disbelief, as does Alex, and they both then just ignore him and close the deal for the one barrel. Nick is not impressed with their margins: the girls are doing far better and the boys' price is sliding further down with every pitch. Karren meanwhile is worn out by the women, and though this is returning things back to how we expect them, she looks totally fed up. Endeavour head to the Real Food Festival and this time at least have enough sense to price the beer wisely, resulting in decent sales. The girls' subteam are doing a last deal, as are the boys, but Evolve are doing far better with their prices.They've managed in fact not to drop their price at all. Now it's back to the house and then the boardroom in the morning.
First to feel Lord Sugar's wrath is Alex, who's slumping in his chair and is told to sit up straight! Lord Sugar isn't impressed with Endeavour's name for the beer --- as he was not enamoured of their team name in the first place --- and questions the logic of putting two guys who have no interest in beer on the manufacturing team. A case of not playing to your strengths, he points out. Then the question of the samples-that-weren't comes up, and a to-and-fro erupts between Kurt and Zee. I must say, Kurt's entire demeanour in the boardroom is arrogant, bored, dismissive and almost hostile; I'm surprised Lord Sugar doesn't say something to him. The vampire of course loses no time revealing that Jason lost them money in their pitch, while Jason moans about the others swearing at him, and tells Lord Sugar they disgraced him. We've been waiting for this since the boardroom began, but now here it comes: "Time, gentlemen!" grins Lord Sugar. Turning to the other team, he's told about the mixup with the ratios in the mixing, and remarks, rather correctly, that it's hardly rocket science, while Karren tells him what occurred was a total meltdown. Interestingly, the girls, when asked, all say that Tim was a good PM, which is surprising, but the reason becomes clearer later. As it happens, it's a big win for the boys, and Endeavour chalk up their second victory. Sort of annoyed again really, as I wanted Kurt in the boardroom and certainly think Jason would have been fired had he been brought back in. So, the treat: they're off to Belgium! Not bad, Lord Sugar, not bad! Beats racing carts at Brands Hatch or whatever. Of course, the first place the boys head for when they arrive is ... a pub. Never understood that. You can sit in a pub at home, you don't need to go abroad to do that. In the losers' cafe, the girls again all rally around Tim, but their tactics are clear now: they're after Rebecca's blood. She's being blamed for the original location --- which is fair, she did push it --- but when they get into the boardroom Lord Sugar calls them all a waste of space; they're the worst team he's seen in the process so far he says. Uzma starts the ball rolling by trying to throw Rebecca under the bus, while the other girls try to prod their PM in her direction. He partially takes the bait, and Rebecca and Uzma continue their spat, Karren having to take control and ask if there is a problem --- which there clearly is --- between the two. So much so in fact that Lord Sugar gets lost in the melee as the girls argue. "I have never seen such a bloody mess!" snaps His Lordship. "If ever I've seen a team that couldn't organise a pissup in a brewery, it's now!" He's clearly angry, and Tim is taking Rebecca and Francesca back in. Lord Sugar almost looks annoyed that the rest are getting off; he'd probably like to fire them all. But them's the rules of the game. He does shoot a parting jibe at Rebecca, telling her he has no time for tittle-tattle, but both Nick and Karren point out that she was the biggest seller in the team, which must give him pause. Interesting to note that originally when Tim walked into the boardroom he held the door for the girls -- good man, like to see chivalry still survives even in the cut-throat world of The Apprentice --- but on the return he pointedly fails to do this, walking in ahead of the two girls. Francesca is annoyed to be accused of "cracking under pressure", but when Tim suggest Rebecca should be fired, Lord Sugar points out that she was their biggest seller. Suddenly the two girls close ranks and Tim must feel that deadly finger beginning to swing in his direction. As it does in the end, and Tim becomes the second one to be fired. It's a pity to see him go, because I enjoyed making fun of him, but in fairness I think Lord Sugar failed to take into account that he took Tim out of the boys' team and put him onto the opposite one, and not only that, commanded him to be PM. Surely some mitigation would have been in order? Rebecca is sent off with a final flea in her ear; Lord Sugar doesn't want any namby-pamby telltales on his staff, and she had better toughen up and get a thicker skin, or she won't be remaining in the process for much longer. Always fun too to watch the ones back at the house discuss who they think is gone, and Uzma is clearly hoping that her nemesis will be fired, crestfallen when Rebecca sashays in. Alex the vampire takes the opportunity to hug her and perhaps have a quick snack before bedtime, and the boys are obviously devastated to see Tim go: "Too many guys in the shower anyway!" one quips. The mind boggles. And so we come to the end of the first week proper of the new series. Although it's been run on two consecutive days, each day has been shown as a separate week, so that's confusing. Still, I just look on them as episodes: it's easier. I'm taking comments for who's for the chop next week. Let me know if you have any ideas. See you next Wednesday!