10 Early Internet Wrestling Outrages

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Austin Fake Beer
WWE

Wrestling Internet was a much, much different place in its infancy.

We have memes, now, to act as cathartic epitaphs for every poorly-received narrative development. It doesn't really matter that WWE's roster is so bloated that many of our favourite wrestlers are so worthless under its umbrella, because somebody crudely Photoshopped their heads over that Simpsons scene of the kids in Martin's pool.

We didn't really have memes then - social media as we know it today obviously did not exist - and we were a more earnest lot. The all-encompassing horrors of the 21st century hadn't yet intensified to a point by which we needed any and all levity to escape them. We didn't have broadband either, super-fast or otherwise, and so our inner torment escalated as the dial-up connection crawled agonisingly into life. If we already hated a Triple H opening segment circum 2003, we f*cking hated it after waiting an additional 20 minutes to register our disgust throughout the world.

And that shrill, painful cacophony? That wasn't the sound of the internet connecting. That was the sound you made when the Fed buried Raven.

Armed without modern day luxuries, only the (NSFW) Hun's Yellow Pages, and the hope in our hearts that our sisters weren't already on the phone, we entered a primitive HTML zone of escape - with, on this evidence, no sense of perspective whatsoever...

10. Stone Cold's Beer BASHED

Austin Fake Beer
WWE

Stone Cold Steve Austin's favourite tipple is the Sierra Nevada Torpedo IPA - but at 7.2% ABV, he was hardly going to chug it inside of a WWE ring. He was Stone Cold Steve Steve, beer-swilling hero of the blue-collar workers - but he wasn't Michael Hayes. He needed to exercise some restraint, and he reigned supreme atop the pro wrestling world prior to the ascent of craft beer.

He couldn't drink non-alcoholic beer, for that would have ruined his image. A compromise was required.

He exercised too much restraint, for some people's tastes. Proving that some - many - of us are a pedantic bunch of f*cking morons who probably should not be allowed outside, the Wayback Machine will tell you that Austin was somehow a phoney for throwing back lite beer as part of his ceremonial 'bash'. Some early internet cave-dwellers begrudged Austin for, Jesus Christ, barely even working us.

He's not even that drunk, they whined, minutes after Austin had powered through his broken body to deliver seminal moments of, yes, predetermined athletic theatre.

Contributor
Contributor

Michael Sidgwick is an editor, writer and podcaster for WhatCulture Wrestling. With over seven years of experience in wrestling analysis, Michael was published in the influential institution that was Power Slam magazine, and specialises in providing insights into All Elite Wrestling - so much so that he wrote a book about the subject. You can order Becoming All Elite: The Rise Of AEW on Amazon. Possessing a deep knowledge also of WWE, WCW, ECW and New Japan Pro Wrestling, Michael’s work has been publicly praised by former AEW World Champions Kenny Omega and MJF, and surefire Undisputed WWE Universal Champion Cody Rhodes. When he isn’t putting your finger on why things are the way they are in the endlessly fascinating world of professional wrestling, Michael wraps his own around a hand grinder to explore the world of specialty coffee. Follow Michael on X (formerly known as Twitter) @MSidgwick for more!