10 Things WWE Superstars Need This Christmas

8. Cesaro - His Two Front Teeth

Xanta Klaus
WWE.com

Long before Mariah Carey's frankly unbearable lyrical Amazon wishlist, Donald Yetter Gardner released a song outlining his own Christmas covetousness, ten times as twee but only half as schmaltzy. Gardner's only real desire, quite aside from a vague second-person pronoun, was to be able to whistle, or say "sister Susie sitting on a thistle" - courtesy of the restoration of his two front teeth.

Cesaro knows exactly who is to blame for his catastrophe, his own over-eagerness to French kiss a ring post leaving his mouth with more holes than Emmental. The Swiss lisp could be fixed with a little dental reconstruction - but he would have to discontinue those "Thwith Thyborg" t-shirts.

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Editorial Team
Editorial Team

Benjamin was born in 1987, and is still not dead. He variously enjoys classical music, old-school adventure games (they're not dead), and walks on the beach (albeit short - asthma, you know). He's currently trying to compile a comprehensive history of video game music, yet denies accusations that he purposefully targets niche audiences. He's often wrong about these things.