10 Things WWE Superstars Need This Christmas

9. Michael Cole - A (New) Heart

WWE/MGM

The Wizard of Oz is a firm fixture of the festive season, usually on telly on the big day itself and guaranteeing Bobby Davro will brush off his best Scarecrow outfit and stink out the boards in panto playhouses up and down the country. (For Americans, panto is basically theatre, but crap). It's a bit odd, considering Dorothy's voyage over the hideously garish light bridge has absolutely nothing to do with Christmas - apart from the greedy expectation of gifts from an old man in a distant land.

One of the wanting three travelling down the Yellow Brick Road is the Tin Man, who yearns for a heart to reignite his passion. WWE have a tin man of their own, commentating automaton Michael Cole, who bears only passing resemblance to a real person thanks to his artificial emotion. After two decades spouting the same soundbites, who can blame him for his weariness? Like his Oz counterpart, a little bit of cardiac surgery could solve the problem. Failing that, he might like some new shirts.

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Editorial Team
Editorial Team

Benjamin was born in 1987, and is still not dead. He variously enjoys classical music, old-school adventure games (they're not dead), and walks on the beach (albeit short - asthma, you know). He's currently trying to compile a comprehensive history of video game music, yet denies accusations that he purposefully targets niche audiences. He's often wrong about these things.