Spoiler Alert: No beer bath. No DX army. No simulcast. No pipe bomb.
In case you missed the relentless advertising, Monday Night Raw is 25 years old. And a quarter of a century has thrown up more than enough moments to fill out a collection of favourites without those four.
Who needs 'em yet again anyway? Virtually every company-mandated poll ends with one of them winning by a landslide as it is. Though theres much to be said for Vince McMahon swimming in suds, Triple H working d*ck jokes into military parlance and another reminder that the contract does say 'McMahon', it's nice to pay tribute to some segments and spots that don't get anywhere near the love they already do. 'The Game' has already managed to push the prevailing narrative that his 1998 assault transformed the Monday Night Wars eventually won on that famous March 2001 night, and Stone Cold 'burning that son of a b*tch to the ground' has been well beaten into the exact same surface since 1999. CM Punk literally wore the shirt on the biggest night of his life.
Also absent within will be anything from the 25 Best Matches In Raw History. With over two decades of output ranging from the incomparable to the insane, why overlook a transcendent scene for another tired retread? The WWE Network archives all this stuff, so find your favourite here, then dive back in. There's a million DVDs gathering dust full of shots of trucks, tanks and Shane McMahon's turtleneck.
Square eyes on a square head, trained almost exclusively to Pro Wrestling, Sunderland AFC & Paul Rudd films. Responsible for 'Shocking Plans You Won't Believe Actually Happened', some of the words in our amazing Wrestling bookazines (both available at shop.whatculture.com), and probably every website list you read that praised Kevin Nash.