5 Most Insane Things Happening In Wrestling Right Now (Jan 11)
In which several old men are on the rag.
What is pro wrestling?
That philosophical question pulsed through Twitter this week. Was pro wrestling only ever a shallow, carny exercise in lifting money from "the marks", or was it a wonderful emulation of real sport worked to extract the maximum drama and guaranteed triumph of a feeling that otherwise is left to an often cruel chance - a glum feeling that, as any Newcastle United fan can tell you, sometimes lasts for a lifetime?
Do we protect the old secrets of an exposed industry to make it easier for one to bask once more in the illusion, or do we experiment beyond them to make something new of it? Or is wrestling now complementary to itself, much like cinema, in which the existence of a parody film in no way detracts from - and is incidental to - the mesmeric brilliance of a modern classic?
Or has pro wrestling now evolved into "art", something that famously is never critiqued? If we're meant to no-sell the power of pro wrestling, and simply shut up and enjoy or disregard it, how powerful can it truly be?
D. Everett once wrote "Large streams from little fountains flow; tall oaks from little acorns grow."
In pro wrestling, philosophical debates from worked tampons grow.
5. The Tampon Spot
Over the weekend, Priscilla Kelly sent wrestling Twitter into proper pearl-clutching meltdown when a GIF emerged of her ostensibly removing a tampon from her trunks and choking her opponent with it. As expected, an old guard who came to prominence in the dry-humping, head-first chair-shot hitting, bare breasts-exposing, dog-barking Attitude Era were not best pleased at this.
"The spot disgusted me," said Jim Ross. "If I want to see a woman put her hand down her shorts, I'll maximise my minutes spent online and do it on Twitter instead of Pornhub! The humiliation didn't last long enough, quite frankly, and, bah gawd, I should know!"
"Revolting," echoed Tessa Blanchard. "You'll never see genitals played for laughs on any card I appear on, with the exception of ALL IN, which I kept silent about."
"How about telling a story in the ring instead?" asked Gail Kim, "like the two minute Baywatch Swimsuit Triple Threat Match I performed in on the April 12, 2010 RAW?" Kim, facetiousness aside, had a point. Feeling demeaned, she left WWE. But the others?
"This stuff is the reason some people despise our industry," added Road Dogg, who is A) A WWE creative writer and who B) went along to Saudi Arabia, a country in which women still aren't permitted to open a bank account without the approval of a male guardian, much less remove a worked tampon from their trunks.
So, three takeaways:
1) This spot didn't kill wrestling; if the performers are masters, and the context is right, you can still lock into a viewing experience as if it were "real" or in good taste;
2) The notion of anybody expecting something remotely tasteful from pro wrestling is absurd; and
3) The tampon spot was worked.