5 Most Insane Things Happening In Wrestling Right Now (March 22)

It's eerily calm on the wrestling front.

The WWE roster is on its best behaviour ahead of WrestleMania, all too aware of Vince McMahon's inclination to change his mind. Whatever a PPV payday amounts to in 2019, all eyes are on it. Nobody has requested their release. Nobody has engaged in a f*ck-witted Twitter rant. They're all staying out of trouble.

Booker T unleashed a bizarre rant deep into the week, so there's that. Describing Torrie Wilson as a "lovely" when defending her Hall of Fame induction, he went on to further patronise her, hilariously, by claiming that many women have taken inspiration from her. "If Torrie can do it, I can do it too," he said, as if she is proof that anybody - even a pretty blonde! - can do anything, if they set their minds to it. And she deserves a hearty shucky duck quack smack on the arse for her efforts!

But taking Booker's words out of context isn't really insane, particularly since he spouts b*llocks as a matter of course. It's quiet out there. We're all braced for WrestleMania, talent, fans, everybody. We're all pensive, in a state of collective contemplation. We're all trying to do the maths in our heads. If Triple H goes 25 minutes on a 17 match card, how much time does that leave for everything else? About six minutes each? Between performing, the men and women of WWE are probably hibernating in preparation.

That is because...

Because, if rumours are to be believed, 17 matches are rumoured for WrestleMania 35, the MetLife stadium will run out of food, and we might die.

17.

This is preposterous. This is backwards. This is more matches than Lerry Jawler, 18, Memphis, TN has on Tinder.

You are meant to enjoy WrestleMania. You are meant to mourn WrestleMania when it's gone, and re-watch however many replays the pay-per-view carrier used to run. That's how it used to be.

Granted, those rumours were started and corroborated, respectively, by Forbes and WrestleVotes, which between them run the credibility gamut from Hulk Hogan's autobiography to Hulk Hogan's worked height. WrestleVotes is inconsistent; the Twitter account predicted the night on which Daniel Bryan unveiled his hemp WWE Title, but dropped a b*llock at the Rumble by forecasting a hugely popular surprise.

But it's grimly viable, isn't it?

What's worse is that Triple H is going to gobble up at least 45 of those minutes between his goofy entrance and his Trademark Methodical Match. This isn't cynicism; since 2011, Triple H has wrestled the longest 'Mania match on all but one occasion ('Mania 32). On that night, he still placed 2nd on the podium by going 27:10 with Roman Reigns.

In his response to Batista's attack on Ric Flair a few weeks back, Triple H said that he could "stand out here for an hour and sing his praises."

Not everything takes an hour, Trips, Christ. Why does Triple H do this? Why does he wrestle the longest match at 'Mania seven out of eight years, especially when so many were heat-free, tedious bombs?

Nobody: "..."

Triple H: "Fine, I'll go 28 minutes."