8 Match Star Ratings From WWE: The Horror Show At Extreme Rules
Staggeringly incompetent creative regime lets down great talent, news at 11.
WWE cannot craft a cinematic comedy match. They are worse than hopeless at it.
Consider the Money In The Bank at Titan Towers shambles, during which Dana Brooke slipped on a wet floor. This wasn't sold as a comedy pratfall, even though it is the oldest joke there is. It was sold, to a backdrop of a dramatic, swelling string arrangement, as if Brooke was in significant pain. She had cracked the back of her skull on a hard wooden floor. This wasn't amusing, but the audience couldn't sympathise with her, either, because she was a dumb f*ck who couldn't read a WET FLOOR sign.
This was literally anti-comedy.
This was equivalent to doing the ol' pie in the face gag, only smothering the pie into the clown's face until they choked and turned purple. If only they'd done that with that stupid f*cking fake Doink.
"I have memories!" the people who enjoyed that sight "gag" said.
The funniest thing WWE has managed all year is titling its horror show 'The Horror Show at Extreme Rules' in holy-sh*t-how-can-you-be-so-f*cking-thick-lol parallel with a potentially deadly viral outbreak in its primary base of operations.
This hardly inspired optimism for their handling of the horror genre...
8. KICKOFF Match: Kevin Owens Vs. Murphy
Kevin Owens, being great, gets the Kickoff match. Happily, he also gets it.
He didn't go through the motions at a TV pace; the match burst out of the tracks immediately with two finisher teases and a hockey fight.
Murphy, who has a great physique and probably shouldn't hide it from Vince McMahon via cyclist outfit - unless it's a clever ploy to pop that thing off and remind him all over again, and he is inspired by both Kenny Omega and Dennis Reynolds - roared back from a jaw-rattler of a forearm smash by striking every part of KO's body with a warp speed barrage.
This was some pretty damn great pro wrestling, and even when the pace slowed, as it inevitably does, Owens and Murphy were so snug that they maintained interest levels. It was a match with more thought informing it than the usual Kickoff fare; it was structured in such a way that Owens' superiority was never lost, only challenged.
It was good, but it was only a Kickoff match, so...
Star Rating: ★★★¼