WWE In SHOCK Move For Controversial Wrestling Star?

Hold on to your d*cks, because this news report, from the Wrestling Observer Newsletter, is batsh*t insane.

WWE has reportedly communicated with "famous d*ck wrestler" Joey Ryan.

What an absurd development this is. Absurd.

Joey Ryan, for the uninitiated, is a performer whose finish, his entire USP, is to have his opponents grab his penis and bump for it. That's not to say he isn't technically underrated, nor able to express himself as a multi-faceted and flexible comedy performer, but WWE has hardly watched footage of his tag act with Candice LaRae and thought "We could do with this endearing gold on our famously affectionate programming."

WWE has quite clearly heard of him, realised his drawing power on a cult Independent scene they have no desire to see flourish, and have purportedly offered him a coaching position complete with a pay cut in a measure of pure spite. Meltzer reports that this deal, which Ryan isn't likely to take, would also see him wrestle in Orlando "for a few years".

There is no chance in hell of Ryan doing his specific gimmick on WWE television, NXT or otherwise. What could they do with him? Repackage him as The Molestation Experience?

Besides which, WWE already contracts a famous d*ck wrestler, and that man is Lars Sullivan.