10 Mainstream Movies That Are Pretty Much Just Porn

2. Caligula

You have to love Bob Guccione, creator of Penthouse Magazine. If I was Tinto Brass, the director of Caligula, or Gore Vidal, the writer, or any of the actors, I would think the man a tasteless grotesque. If he did what he did to Caligula to any film of mine, I would issue a fatwa upon him (no, I'm not an Ayatollah or even a Muslim, but the sentiment would be there). However, as I am none of these people, and will never work with him due to his being dead, I am free to love him. Allow me to explain why I do. Caligula was to be an epic on the scale of classic swords-and-sandals pictures like Ben Hur; "Gore Vidal's Caligula!" However, Vidal was only able to secure funding for the film from Bob Guccione, who said he would provide financing if Vidal agreed to work extra sex and nudity into the script. This was agreed, and a director was hired, Tinto Brass, the controversial Italian eccentric behind Salon Kitty, the very last word in the Nazi Brothel genre. Brass made his film, starring Helen Mirren, Malcolm Macdowell, John Gielgud! But Guccione didn't like the film he received from Brass, so he fired him, took control of the edit, and then proceeded to shoot hardcore porn scenes to replace other scenes he wasn't happy with! The finished cut of the film was savaged by the critics, dubbed "the worst piece of s**t I've ever seen" by Roger Ebert, and some film scholars, like Mark Kermode, have attempted to salvage Tinto Brass' original cut of Caligula, arguing Guccione ruined the work of an underrated auteur. And they are welcome to do just that, but you have to love Guccione's cut because he was so unashamed! His idea of great cinema? Slap in a couple of Penthouse Pets, lather them up with KY Jelly, everyone's happy! Guccione's cut is well worth watching if not for the porn factor, then for the shock/laugh factor - how many John Gielgud films do you know with cum shots? If you said 1, you obviously haven't seen the extended edition of Chariots of Fire...
 
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Filmmaker, student, occasional human being and erstwhile fetus, Callum divides his time between watching films, writing about films, making films and writing bad puns on Twitter about films #BladePunner