1. Talkers
The very worst kind of person. Worse than the loud eaters, the mobile phone users and the back row lovers (we all know what goes on back there) are the talkers, those absurd humans that show up to a film and talk incessantly throughout it just to ruin everyone else's fun. It's a general assumption that readers of this site will have 1) a passion for film, and as such no desire to yak at the cinema, and 2) an operational brain. Regrettably, those not fitting either criteria are allowed to go to the cinema too. You know how it is: you wait two years for a film by your favourite director to come out, with your anticipation reaching fever pitch as release approaches. Then, when you finally sit for that screening, some complete douche bag, who prefers to pay money and gab mindlessly in a darkened room rather than do it at home for free, shows up and talks all over the film. While very few turds like this exist, it only takes one in a screen of 100 to completely ruin a movie. If The Thing taught us anything, it's that people can't be trusted. And at least they had a system for rooting out evil.