12 Things Hollywood Always Gets Wrong About Sex

Foreplay? Isn't that just another word for "wasted screen time"?

The Trouble With Romance
Sweet Violet Films

These days, most audiences are smart enough to realize that 90 percent of what we see on the big screen, regardless of how "authentic" it's made to look, is either extremely exaggerated or completely fabricated. Movies are not real life, obviously, and anyone who watches a movie expecting total realism is kinda missing the point.

So yeah, movies aren't required to treat sex with any more authenticity than they do car chases or high school parties. After all, if movie sex was exactly like real life sex, a lot of those scenes would be more cringeworthy than titillating to watch.

And yet, the ideas a lot of folks have about sex come directly from Hollywood. Even if they understand that what they're seeing isn't practical or realistic, there's still a part of the brain that sees a sex scene in a mainstream movie and thinks "Why aren't my sexual experiences like that?"

But remember kids: Taking your sexual cues from Hollywood is like trying to learn self-defense by watching Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. In both cases, you're just setting yourself up to get hurt.

12. Women Don't Actually Shower, They Just Wait For Sex

The Trouble With Romance
Columbia Pictures

I have never, not once spotted an actual, God's honest shower scene in a movie. Yes, I've seen the bubble baths. And yes, I've seen the plethora of scenes set in or around a shower stall, but in none of those scenes has there been any actual showering taking place. No suds, no scrubbing, no shampooing. Those are the essential elements of the washing experience, and without them, you're just a weirdo hanging out in a hot drizzle.

In fact, whenever a woman is shown in the shower, it is almost always just her standing underneath the water stream, literally just waiting around. Waiting for her man to come and "surprise" her from behind with a sensual, non-cleansing event.

This trope is legitimately perplexing, if only because of how identical all of these scenes end up. The woman is almost exclusively shown from behind, her eyes closed, usually running her hands through her (non-sudsy) hair at least once. And within a minute's time, her lover slowly appears behind her, causing her to quiver and coo.

Shower sex, in and of itself, is a great and wonderful thing, but at what point do the women in these films actually wash themselves?

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Jacob is a part-time contributor for WhatCulture, specializing in music, movies, and really, really dumb humor. You can follow him on Twitter @JakeTrowbridge.