Draconian, borderline-Medieval legislation means we're unlikely to see LGBT colours proudly fluttering in the Russian breeze this summer, but they'll still be there in spirit thanks to a variegated rainbow of polychromatic polyester set to hit the grassy catwalks of the country's stadia.
A quick glance through the catalogue of the World Cup fashion collection and you quickly reach the conclusion that 'old' is the new 'new'. Besides an array of sumptuous retro shirts poised to get nostalgia glands throbbing, there's a veritable Red Army of crimson kits paying unintentional homage to the host nation's Communist past.
Tediously, no fewer than 11 teams are going to be suited out in near-identikit vermilion numbers at the tournament - 12 if you include South Korea, who'll be sure to tell Russian police it's definitely not a dark shade of pink. Honestly, the absence of the Netherlands' glorious orange shirt is reason enough to lament the decline of Dutch football.
But amidst the red sea are some real corkers. Europe's Francophonic nations have devised designs to die for, the South American efforts are as tasty as they are traditional, and one West African kit simply defies belief.
Here's the bally lot of them, ranked from off-the-rack tack to off-the-chart smart.
Benjamin was born in 1987, and is still not dead. He variously enjoys classical music, old-school adventure games (they're not dead), and walks on the beach (albeit short - asthma, you know).
He's currently trying to compile a comprehensive history of video game music, yet denies accusations that he purposefully targets niche audiences. He's often wrong about these things.