10 Batsh*t Crazy Horror Films For Halloween
Who says being dead stopped Dracula being a perv?
Another year, another glut of horror sequels. Nothing wrong with sequels: The Conjuring 2 was a fine (and dandy) sequel to the 2013 hit and some will doubtless speak well of Ouija: Origin Of Evil, even though the subtitle makes it sound like a WWII movie.
If you want a dose of schlocky, silly B-movie fun this Halloween, though, you’ll have to forego the multiplex the multiplex in favour of Netflix et al. Here’s where you’ll find man-in-a-suit monster movies and outrageous Japanese splatter films, so if you’re a fan of the strange and don’t mind subtitles then forget Ghostbusters – these are the people you call.
To follow, you will find a beginner’s guide to just how far the definition of horror can be stretched and how much fun can be packed into 90 minutes. Those with a weak constitution should look away now.
10. Dracula (The Dirty Old Man)
To the gratitude of bad movie lovers, the producers of this shoestring horror movie lost the soundtrack during production and decided to redub it as a comedy. The results will stay with you for the rest of your life.
For budgetary reasons, Count Dracula lives in one of California’s Bronson Caves and, after transforming a nosy journalist into a lycanthrope named Irving Jackalman, instructs him to procure young virgins. When the starlets are delivered to his cave, the Count ties them up, starts fondling them and….that’s when the movie goes mad.
Dubbed with the voice of a bad Bela Lugosi impersonator, the Count points out technical goofs and jokes about how cheap the movie looks. In between denuding starlets, he’ll look around his cave and say, “I’ve got to get a new interior decorator.” At one point, he says, “I am Count Dracula. Which is Alucard backwards. So you can call me Ali.”