Monuments Men. Is it New, Gentler Hollywood's answer to The Dirty Dozen? Sadly, yes. Throughout film history, ticket buyers have demanded that their men be tough, strong, and human (except for the eighties but everyone was on cocaine back then, so we press on). Today Hollywood has determined that we want more. We still crave/need action heroes, just not recycled old ones. And in order to bring in the women, George Clooney, Brad Pitt and/or Matt Damon should ideally be involved. Hey Hollywood, we need a new Dirty Dozen. You remember? That 1967 ensemble war movie notable that pretty much created the 70's action genre with Average Scrawny, Tough Guy-type protagonists, such as Dirty Harry, Travis Bickle, Burt Reynolds and gave new life to a war genre diluted by hippie love and The Beatles. Your dad will tell you that the original Dirty Dozen were criminals first, soldiers second (Donald Sutherland a distant third). They were recruited from military death sentences and given a chance to redeem their honour for themselves and America by accepting 'one last mission,' from which they'd never return. So in honour of the original, this is a list of the all-time Dirty Dozen, America's toughest, meanest military unit never to grace the screen in what would have been the biggest testosterone remake since The Expendables 3.
(Dis)Honorable Omissions
Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sly Stallone are not on the list. While Arnie was the Terminator and Conan The Barbarian, he was also in Kindergarten Cop, Junior, Jingle All The Way then became a politician. That's way too many strikes. Sly was Rambo and Rocky, but once asked Dolph Lundgren to punch him for real in Rocky IV, resulting in him having to go to the hospital for four days as they tried to pull his rib cage out from his spine. And while there are some current tough guy actors who are continually assaulting people (looking at you, Alec Baldwin), they aren't renowned for playing as such on film so they are also excluded. Finally, this list is very Hollywood, so no disrespect intended to someone like...say, Bollywood's Amitbah Bachan. Consider yourself forewarned.