Imagine youve just spent the Summer and 27 million quid of tax payers money staging an Olympic Opening Ceremony that looked like Leni Riefenstahls History of the Industrial Revolution. Youve built a Hobbit village in the centre of Stratford and filled it with peasants and sheep before Kenneth Branagh, looking like Abe Lincoln in the Electric Six "Gay Bar" video, rips apart the countryside and turns it into a factory from Mordor. Youve deployed an army of Mary Poppins impersonators to save a stadium full of sick kids from a stylised Jimmy Savile Child Catcher. Youve stuck a blow for gay rights across the globe and men who like watching pretty girls get off with each other by slipping Brooksides infamous lesbian kiss into a montage of British TV clips broadcast uncensored in authoritarian, homophobic regimes across the Middle East and also the USA . Youve made us listen to so much Emeli bloody Sandé that pulling a Vincent Van Gogh and presenting our severed ears to the nearest street corner brass looks appealing. Youve kicked the Queen out of a helicopter then told Her Maj to stick her knighthood where even the Corgis wont sniff it out. So, what do you do for your next trick? Well, if youre Danny Boyle you take a decade old TV movie and turn it into a cinematic migraine. Heres 5 reasons why Trance fails to entrance ***WARNING! CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS!***