Don't Wanna MEET DAVE!

By Ray DeRousse / June 25, 2011

I am speechless. I remember Eddie Murphy from the very beginning of his career. He erupted from one of the worst casts to ever assemble on the Saturday Night Live stage with a magnetic blend of charisma, wit, and nasty charm. He created indelible characters and skits during his brief run, including Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood, Gumby, Buckwheat, and Little Richard. However, these characters were more than merely funny; they also skewered and examined the social, sexual, and racial divisions within society at the time. Entire graduate theses' could be crafted from the wealth of information contained in some of these sketches. Murphy parlayed this television success into a series of films which continued his scathing riffs on modern society and class structure. Films like Trading Places, 48 Hours, Raw, and Beverly Hills Cop, cemented Murphy's standing as heir apparent to Richard Pryor. In my mind, Murphy's nauseating descent began with the release of the disastrous misstep The Golden Child. Despite Murphy's constant mugging, this over-produced shitbag revealed Murphy's desperate desire to cross over into family-oriented blockbusters. This trend continued with films like Coming To America (which gave us the first taste of Murphy playing every fucking role in the movie) and Boomerang. The first true nail in the coffin of Murphy's career was hammered in tightly the moment he made the fateful decision to star in 1996's The Nutty Professor. A huge blockbuster, the film made Murphy a household name, and suddenly popular with a large segment of the Wal-Mart-shopping population eager to stare, slack-jawed, at the latest dumbed-down slapstick bullshit. Since then, we have been soaked in a steady stream of bewilderingly-bad Murphy films. Dr. Doolittle ... I Spy ... Daddy Day Care ... Norbit. Even a monumental disaster like Pluto Nash - a cinematic justification for abortion if ever there was one - hasn't seemed to slow down Murphy's idiotic train at all. Which segues nicely into this trailer for Murphy's latest film, which many feared would become another Pluto Nash. Previously known as Starship Dave, the newly-monikered Meet Dave stars Murphy as an alien who commands a starship in the form of a robot that looks just like Eddie Murphy. How meta. Yawn. The trailer makes the film look less appealing than having a Klendathu ant-creature rip open your anus and lay eggs up inside your small intestine. The only way I would ever buy a ticket to this projected bloodfart is if the ticket came with a free shot at Eddie Murphy with a shotgun. Watching him here makes me want to bore my thumbs into his googly eyes for what he's done to himself. Anyway, here's the fucking trailer for the film guaranteed to make you despise the medium:

P.S. Using the song Staying Alive doesn't make your movie cool, Ed. It's become a cliche ... stop using it.