I Wanna See The Pope On a Rope

By Ray DeRousse / June 24, 2011

There might not be any other pursuit in life less worthwhile than religion. It's divisive, condemnatory, and completely devoid of actual answers to the very questions it claims to emphatically solve. Religion makes shit like blogging seem like the penultimate achievement of mankind. Religion has managed to avoid extinction from developments like logic and reason due to its roach-like ability to adapt to its environment. Whenever the coffers dry up, some catastrophe is used to play on fear/sadness and force open wallets (see: 9/11). The most unbelievable aspect of religion is the fact that it's still allowed to exist and prey on the political/economic axis of human society. Out of all the religions of the world, none are more despicable and ridiculous than the Catholic Church. Seriously. Their Bible says that worship should not contain idols; their churches are filled with them. Their God demands that his followers not pray to anyone but Him; Catholics pray to everyone except the guy trimming the rose bushes outside the church. Jesus preached charity and humility, while the Vatican has lined her altars with solid gold by investing in guns and cigarettes and warfare. The church whored around with Hitler, then apologized for it fifty years later, burned people at the stake for holding a Bible, and tortured people indiscriminately for having different beliefs. Catholics are Christ-like only if Jesus is a drunken, hypocritical psychopath. But the Church has managed to remain relevant by inserting itself into every single fucking issue imaginable, regardless of whether or not it has any relevance to the gospel Jesus preached or the religion he began so long ago. This means that secular activities like political elections are fraught with religious bickering, despite the (supposed) separation of church and state. And let's not forget the brilliant recent news about the Catholic Church continuing to condemning condoms, which has led to a worsening of STD infections in poorer (and therefore more impressionable) countries. But it's a real pisser when this gilded shitball actually makes the news to condemn a movie. That's right, the Catholic Church has come out against the upcoming Dan Brown film ANGELS AND DEMONS. The Church has issued an ultimatum to its lemmings followers to boycott the film in protest to the film's assertion of a sexual relationship between Jesus and Mary Magdalene. Ugh. No wonder Dan Brown keeps writing about the Church ... it almost writes itself. The big issue here is whether or not a boycott would actually dent the film, which is poised to be another blockbuster for star Tom Hanks and director Ron Howard. A similar boycott destroyed Martin Scorcese's THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST, but the Catholic outcry over THE DAVINCI CODE didn't affect it noticeably, if at all. My own personal opinion is that the boycott will not hurt the film, primarily because I think the world has become much more secular in the last twenty years. Anymore, people just shrug their shoulders over the Pope's pronouncements. Catholics are especially guilty of this, picking and choosing their religious tropes like they were snacking off the buffet line. The Pope is hollering in a canyon all by himself, not realizing that his audience has left him. If only we could get him to shut up about everything else. Like God, morality, and a million other topics he knows nothing about.