Remake Machine: THE MONSTER SQUAD

By Ray DeRousse /

In yet another bewildering bit of entertainment news, Mike Fleming of Deadline Hollywood Daily is reporting that Rob Cohen (Mummy 3, Stealth) and the infamous Michael Bay will be producing a big screen remake of the 1987 cheese-fest Monster Squad. Cohen, who was a producer on the original film, wants to direct this remake and has the blessing of original helmer Fred Dekker...

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It'd be one thing if another filmmaker wanted to soil my sandbox... but if it weren't for Rob Cohen, the original movie would never have been made. So I don't begrudge him wanting to play in his own sandbox. I wish him well, and thank him for the opportunity he gave me in the first place.
Like most crap from the eighties, this film has a devoted cult following primarily because it was played continuously on cable stations for years, imprinting itself on their collective psyches. The film is much worse than they remember. The makeup effects used were typical for the period, and the storyline is sub-Goonies. Nostalgia has a funny way of glossing over a lot of the defects, doesn't it? Someday all of this horrible cheese will be remade; I'm looking forward to a 3D remake of Ghoulies, which would be the official bottom of the barrel. So what can be done to make this remake of The Monster Squad worthwhile? Here are a few suggestions: 1. Improve the monsters. I'm not necessarily advocating CGI here, but I am advising that the monsters not look like stuntmen in silly rubber suits. Kids are much savvier today than they were in the eighties, and the film will need to be a bit darker and scarier to be effective with the twelve year olds. 2. Get a better cast. The original cast of kids were talentless and unmemorable, with only Jason Hervey and Michael Faustino managing to escape this film and build something of a career. As written, the characters were fine enough. They need to make smarter casting decisions and find a couple of young actors ready to break out.

3. The original script by Shane Black has some pep to it, but it still feels like a lost Goonies film. I'd love to see some of the campier aspects of the original toned-down and tightened. 4. Make it in 3D animation? There are almost too many of these kinds of films out there, and there's one good reason why - they make money. With 3D animation, the film's naturally lighter tone could lift off. It would help if the film had a zippier visual style, especially considering the limp, television-styled direction of the first film by Fred Dekker. Those are some of my thoughts on how to improve a remake, although I'm secretly hoping they simply change their minds about making it at all.