Available today from Amazon UK priced at £12.98! Oh how I long to hate Twilight and everything it represents- the dust had barely settled on my beloved Harry Potter franchise, with the young wizards all going off and bonking each other, when this emo-shaped vampire slush-fest usurped its crown as the most influential teen book series ever. Okay so maybe thats a slight over-exaggeration, but I challenge you to go any Twilight forum and type the words Edward Cullen is a Monumental Twat: the chaos, inter-mingled with deep seated anger that ensues is a beautiful thing. Best thing about starting a fight with an emo though, so the saying goes, is rather than attack you, theyll simply go home and hurt themselves, so everyones a winner. And yet, with a crawling, seething inevitability the film fails to inspire the kind of hatred I really wanted it to- okay so the love story is implausible in its ferocity and there isnt one ugly or obese kid anywhere in the film, which is equally as implausible when you consider the innumerate Medical Journals claiming that all kids are quivering blobs of Haribo-induced lard, but neither really stop a vague enjoyment of the film. Even the cartoon-like special effects dont detract too much, and it is obvious that with the inflated budget of New Moon they will be ironed out and made far more glossy. At the end of the day the story is more about the central relationship between Bella and Edward than any of the subplots- Bellas relationship with her father, the teen ensemble thing they keep trying to forefront, or even the appearance of the other savage vampires- so I can just about forgive those production short-comings. What I cant forgive is the inadequacy of that relationship. My problem is I happily admit that When Harry Met Sally and Sleepless in Seattle are the only constant entries in my All-Time Top Five Essential movies- the romances at the centre of both films are given the opportunity to grow and are nurtured by a more subtle narrative, and the key is they overcome genuine relationship adversary. There just isnt the same sense of narrative development in Twilight- okay, so I get that its love at first sight, and its that all-encompassing, destructive love that creates an anti-social bubble around the lovebirds- but the initial ferocity is just too much. There is not enough acting on display that suggests that immediate reaction runs any deeper than that familiar teenage crush syndrome, but perhaps that is just the sentiments of a jaded grown up like me, whos seen too much the catastrophic effect of plunging into love with both feet and without logic. Perhaps Ill go and write a song. Oddly for something so obviously mass-marketable, Twilight has very obvious Indie credentials, and ideals to match- the decision to give the reins to relative directorial newbie Catherine Hardwicke, with her obvious penchant for all things Indie, has cast a long shadow over proceedings. Previous outings with Lords of Dogtown and Thirteen as director, and a plethora of Production Designer credits ranging from the sublime (Vanilla Sky & Brain Dead) to the ridiculous (Tank Girl & Three Kings) indicate a dedication to less mainstream projects. Whether the decision was right is a different matter- although the direction is admirable, some of the subject matter is a little too immature to warrant such careful observation, and in places Kirsten Stewarts immaculate, subtle acting style just makes her look a bit like she doesnt care. Id have expected a bigger reaction when Edward reveals hes a creature of the night, but then no vampire story Ive ever witnessed has had them glow in the sunshine. Burn yes. Melt yes. But glow like a pretty diamond? Never. There are certain rules to vampire films that should always be observed- same as zombie movies- and too much of a departure from those rules is unforgivable, especially when there appears to be absolutely no foundation in accepted folklore. So, just as Land of the Dead suffered when Romero chose to make some of his zombies cognitive, Twilight loses a lot of points for not making its vampires combust in natural sunlight. Despite that fairly major faux-pas, Twilight does have some redeeming factors. The plot is obviously a well-imagined thing, and the billions that Meyer is now no doubt sleeping on are testament to the fact- I have to admit I actually found myself being drawn into the story (when I could suspend my jadedness and my ire at the broken cardinal rules). The casting generally also has to be applauded- the Cullens in particular have an exceptionally observed otherness about them: an exoticness that implies their ominous secret- Pattinson in particular looks the part of the tortured soul. Special mention must also go to Kristen Stewart, soon to be appearing in the excellent looking Adventureland, who plays the slightly alienated new girl to perfection- her quirky personality is reminiscent of a less contrived Juno, and her well observed affection for Edward is genuinely and convincingly palpable. She is also the embodiment of the girl next door beauty- as effortlessly gorgeous when not heavily made-up as when she is posing demurely on a red carpet. Its enough to make me feel all teenage and smitten again myself. I couldnt help but feel slightly short-changed by the portrayal of the supporting cast of the characters- the lack of character development left me with a sense of these characters far at odds with the way fans of the books spew hyperbole about them. But Why oh why must Hollywood insist on casting improbably old actors in teen movies? Robert Pattinson is the wrong side of twenty, and yet hes playing a perpetual seventeen year old: its like an unconscious nod to the days when all action heroes were eighty years old playing forty year olds, while chasing sixteen year old tail. Personally when I was seventeen I was surrounded by awkward slightly smelly kids with self-esteem issues and constant hard-ons and not these impossibly beautiful boys with perfect coiffures and immaculate skin. I can only imagine how those haircuts look in Blu-Ray and it almost makes me envious that I wasnt sent a High Def format review copy. Doesnt really matter what I say though does it? Lets just say my review of Twilight will in no way sway the innumerate hordes of screaming teen fans who follow every movement of the publicity juggernaut that is Stephenie Meyers money-spinning creation. No doubt the less positive aspects will attract the angsty, weepy wrath of the eye-liner caked masses, but the film will have generated a severe amount of millions by the time Ive hung up my typing gloves for the last time. And fair play to it- the books filled the vacuum left by the end of Harry Potter, and anything that gets children reading, and then- even better- ignites a passion for cinema, is good in my book. So, the film is undoubtedly for the fans of the book series, that much is for certain, but who else is it aimed for? The problem with Twilight as a self-contained product is it assumes everyone watching it already has a fair idea of the history of the story- there is very little genesis of suspense allowed before the revelation that Edward and the Cullens are vampires, and the initial hints arent subtle enough, nor are they afforded the right time to blossom into doubt. We cant suspect Edward is a vampire, which would have been a little more pleasurable, because we are told it way too soon- the same goes for the romance between Edward and Bella. While the book offers far more of Bellas internal reactions to the object of her desires, and presumably allows the opportunity to see her passion develop, but the film just drops two people together, and has them immediately love each other. Sort of devalues the emotion in my eyes.Extras Talk about Sods Law- every review I have ever written mentioning Extras (apart from the fabled Tropic Thunder one) complains at the lack of extensive extra features, and the one that finally bucks the trend is a film that Ive already confessed I wanted to hate. The DVD as a complete package makes that attempt even more difficult- maybe I should just give in and embrace the unadulterated extras joy. Its a little bit of a shame then that most of the extras are geared very specifically to Twilights target audience- of which I cant claim to be a member- but then those same fans will no doubt lap the features up. The usual inclusion of the commentary will no doubt hold extra appeal, as it includes the musings of heart-throb of the moment Robert Pattinson as well as co-star Kirsten Stewart and director Catherine Hardwicke, but then how much more attractive it might have been had Stephenie Meyer herself come down from on high and graced the film with her own judgements. Personally, I didnt get that much from the commentary, as the technical and production information I usually covet is kept to a minimum in the shadow of the cast members youthful exuberance. If anyone doubts the fanatical following Twilight has picked up (somewhat inexplicably in my eyes), then the mini-featurette on the casts appearance at Comic Con will allay those doubts- the fanaticism on display is borderline scary, if a little amusing. The rest is pretty much expected- an extensive behind the scenes featurette that goes into the context of the story; the only major issue I have is with the interviews which are all a little bit sycophantic and very obviously pre-release. We also get Deleted and Extended Scenes with optional, but entirely superfluous commentary by Hardwicke; the usual Trailers (a convention I find bloody annoying); and three music videos- at least the Paramore one gives me the opportunity to drool over Hayley Williams.