Simon's Top Ten FRIDAY THE 13TH DEATHS w/clips & vids!

By Simon Gallagher / June 27, 2012

Okay, so everyone and their slightly deranged murderous mother has done one of these lists, but I dont care, Im very opinionated and my view is clearly needed here 10. Spear to the Groin FRIDAY THE 13TH: THE FINAL CHAPTER (1984) Victim: Paul (Clyde Hayes)

Possibly the most eye-watering of all the deaths of the franchise. Two questions immediately spring to mind: why in the balls, man? And why did he have to hoist him up as well? Jesus, youd think Jason was some kind of psychotic kill... oh. Right. The ultimate expression of Jasons murderous rage as a product of the sexual promiscuousness of his victims generation. 9. Leather Tourniquet to the Face FRIDAY THE 13TH V: A NEW BEGINNING (1985) Victim: Eddie (John Robert Dixon)

Originally this scene was far more gruesome (like this is much more subtle!), with oodles more brainy bits spurting everywhere; but in fear of the dreaded X-Rating, chiefs pulled the plug and aired this slightly less grim version. I say less grim, the moronic stud gets his head crushed against a tree with a leather strap. Unpleasant. Man-whore gets head squished- another advertisement for keeping it in your pants. 8. Liquid Nitrogen Facial JASON X (2001) Victim: Adrienne (Kristi Angus)

Possibly one of the more justified of Jasons slayings- it always seemed a little excessive to cut his face in order to get his mask off, its got bloody straps! And the silly bitch ignores her two chances to run screaming from the room when she thinks his supposedly frozen corpse is all of a sudden not so frosty. But as an announcement of intention, the way Jason grabs her (almost showing her chesticles in the process), freezes her face and almost nonchalantly smashes her face on the bench is just poetry in motion. 5.0 for execution. 7. The Death of the Franchise (or so I thought) JASON GOES TO HELL: THE FINAL FRIDAY (1993) Victim: My poor little peepers

See what Ive done here- its the worst film of the franchise, and the one I was sure had ended Jasons reign of terror. Okay, so JASON TAKES MANHATTAN was a bad one as well, but as youll see from Number 6 below, it had one redeeming factor that just about saves it. I simply could not see a way back after THE FINAL FRIDAY: note to future film-makers, just because a director made the original well does not mean he should be given free reign over his next attempt. 6. The Ultimate Haymaker FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VIII: JASON TAKES MANHATTAN (1989) Victim: Julius (Vincent Craig Dupree)

Makes it on the list simply for the sheer stupidity involved- not only in the concept of the punchy decapitation itself, but also of the New Yorker who challenges Jason to a bout of fisticuffs. Not surprisingly said man loses, meeting a grisly end. Somewhat more surprisingly Jasons one punch wallops the fellas clean off head off like its a Smarties lid: I laugh every time I see it, as it is both delightfully silly and shudderingly fake! 5. Destinys Child Split FREDDY V JASON (2003) Victim: Kia Waterson (Kelly Rowland)

If you get to murder a member of Destinys Child on screen, especially if she's playing such a heinous, annoying bitch as Kia, you deserve for such an achievement to be recognised. Oh God, I wish it had been the one that shakes her thighs like shes on invisible fire before she made fucking DREAMGIRLS. 4. Heart Broken JASON LIVES: FRIDAY THE 13TH: PART VI Victim: Allen Hawes (Ron Palillo)

A good old fashioned ripping out of the heart of poor Hawes, proving the age-old saying that when your best friend press-gangs you into digging up the decapitated corpse of a serial killer, you should definitely pass. Especially when it turns out hes not headless anymore. And especially especially when a lightning bolt reanimates the corpse and he takes it on himself to get all slicey with your entrails. The swine. 3. Kevin Bacons Pain in the Neck FRIDAY THE 13TH Victim: Jack (Kevin Bacon)

Ah the joys of a post-coital cigarette- hang on, post-coital? Surely not with the Vorhees around, you know how they feel about the beast with two backs. And with careless inevitability, Bacons neck feels the cold hard truth of an arrow thrust from beneath him. In a touchingly comic moment, when I first saw this I was convinced Jack had been killed by his pillow and was horrified at the prospect of having to share a bed with such sadistic feather-stuffed bastards. Makes it this high up simply for avenging FOOTLOOSE (a movie I shall forever hate to love). 2. Handstand Mishap FRIDAY THE 13TH PART III Victim: Andy (Jeffrey Rogers)

Simply the only response to the kind of foolish bravado that Andy displays is Jasons machete scything through him like a knife through an egotistical jock. Dont these people know theyre in a horror movie? As if youd ever display any kind of self-assurance- might as well plaster Dead Meat on your forehead. Seriously though, Andys death is shot perfectly, it is a rare instance of less is more in the usually brutal killings, with the brief glimpse inspiring more horrific intrigue than any lingering gory shot ever could. 1. That Sleeping Bag FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VII: THE NEW BLOOD (1988) Victim: Judy (Debora Kessler)

How different this seminal scene may have been had they gone ahead with calling it FRIDAY THE 13TH: BIRTHDAY BASH- perhaps Kane Hodder might not be held, by me at the very least, as the best to pull on that old faithful hockey mask. Of course this is the movie that cemented Jason as the real star of the films, and not in the derisible manner that Freddy Krueger became the shining star of the Elm Street franchise, and who can forget the brutally beautiful way he dispatches the naked teen in the yellow sack. So good it was paid homage to in Jason X, in a beautifully tongue-in-cheek reimagining; two sleeping bags?!!! Genius.