A drunken Manchester United fan dialled 999 at the end of last month, 'demanding' to speak to Sir Alex Ferguson, after the team lost 2-1 to Sunderland in the Capital One Cup, telling the operator: "The result is all wrong, they had extra time and it was a total and utter load of rubbish." When asked if he needed to report a crime, the drunkard ranted: "Yes, a crime. I want to report a crime. The crime is that Manchester United were absolutely knackered." Dude, that is one HELL of an emergency. You know what else is an emergency? Losing your slippers, McDonalds running out of Chicken McNuggets, and receiving a shoddy manicure. What if your wife won't make you dinner? Surely that is a matter of life or death. If you were to have a power cut; how are you supposed to know how long it will take before your Sarah Lee gateau will defrost? Who do you call for help in these situations? These dark, demanding times have, believe it or not, all been reasons for people to dial 999. Unfortunately nitwits misuse emergency call centres all the time, putting others in danger by tying up phone lines with stupid calls. What follow is a menagerie of hilarious fools; behold, 10 of the dumbest 999 calls of all time. It's baffling that these people know how to operate a telephone at all.
10. The Aliens Have Landed
Quite a justified call, right? You see a UFO - your initial response is to alert the armed forces. Which is what one British man did. "I don't know what the hell it is", he repeatedly told Emergency Services, after reporting an 'enormous light blazing' above his home. The engine noise had stopped, he told them, and the flaming extraterrestrial was now stationery. Two minutes after the operator hung up to look into the case, he called back to tell her he'd figured out the source of the gigantic light.
"You won't believe this. It's the moon."
9. I Can't Get On Facebook
Argh! The horror of forgetting your password. Is it baloney1? Or baloney with a capital B? Did I put an exclamation mark in it? Oh that's it, I'm calling the police. Which is exactly what one complete simpleton did when she couldn't get into her laptop to get on Facebook.
Caller: "I'm calling because my laptop is closed and I need the password." Police: "You've called the police to get a password for your laptop?" Caller: "Yes."
The rattled operator then explains that the police (shockingly, I know) do not actually deal with passwords for laptops. They deal with life or death situations.
Caller: 'Do you have a number?"
Someone pass me an oxygen mask. I just overdosed on dumb.