There's only one thing worse than actually going to work; and that's the journey there. Crammed into a sweaty train with a bunch of strangers that plainly have no regard for the rules: they're rude, inconsiderate, noisy - and what's worse, they're all within a foot of your personal space and comfort. But what rules are these, you probably just asked your phone? The unwritten commuting laws, of course - the inborn manifesto of morals and etiquette everyone travelling on public transport should just, know. But - sigh - they don't. Everyday we must battle our inner rage, quietly dealing with morons and ignorant travellers fighting to get the work. The scabby, fevered specimens of the Rat Race. It's hot; oxygen is scarce; people are red-faced, bothered, and way too close to one another. Which is why it's important to NOT be a godforsaken mixer in the already unhealthy cocktail of city commuters. Grit your teeth as we expose the commuters that turn even the most normally placid of folk into Incredible Hulks. If you do come across any of these types; it's important to relax, take a deep breath, and imagine round-housing each one in their annoying heads. Enjoy.
12. The Overly Friendly One
Why do you want to tell me about your love for motor-sports? Do I really need to know you have two sons and a 20-year-old daughter? Concise, pleasant conversations with fellow commuters can set you in a delightful mood for the rest of the day: but it's often the intense individuals who step beyond the realms of small talk that need some kind of public shaming ritual. Please, you annoying whirlwind of anxiety-inducing exhaustion: just leave me in peace to me read my book or aimlessly scroll through the Internet in my last moments before work. Seriously, I'll pay you.
11. The One Who Tortures You With Delicious Food
Mmmm, this IS a tasty burger. The outright torture of smelling warm, carbalicious food when you're utterly famished and in no proximity of a grease supply is without a doubt the strongest hanger you will ever experience. Filling up the entire carriage as your air waves and synapses become wholly consumed with desires for ANGUS SMOKED BACON AND CHEDDAR BURGERS. Your body becomes weak. You begin to salivate. A solitary tear falls down your cheek. I hope you're happy, smelly Burger King guy.