Eurovision 2012: 5 Mediterranean Entries

We're one week away from the final and only 3 days from Semi-Final 1 but before you get all tense under the pressures of this imminent europop arrival, how about a nice cruise?

By Josh Webb /

WEEK 5 - We're one week away from the final and only 3 days from Semi-Final 1 but before you get all tense under the pressures of this imminent europop arrival, how about a nice cruise? The Med ok for you? Good because that's our destination this week stopping over at five varying musical ports. Grab your cocktails (Tequila sunrise here, waiter), catch some rays and have a good ol' listen to these cruiseship delights: Eleftheria Elefteriou - Aphrodisiac (Greece) Greece is a country you can always rely on (except when it comes to economics) and in Eurovision it's no exception. What can we rely on them for I hear you cry? No it's not sonically challenging avant-garde compositions nor is it drunken men smashing plates (well except maybe for OPA a couple of years back). Nope, the one thing you can rely on Greece to do well is create a little greek-tinged dancepop number and throw a whole plethora of attractive people at it. Hello Eleftheria Elefteriou who follows the same gameplan as Helena Paparizou and Kalomira for her song Aphrodisiac (greek word - nice) and it's hardly suprising Greece are going back to it as Helena won in 2005 and Kalomira came 3rd in 2008. Greece just do well ok, regardless of entry quality. No doubt they'll put on a show in Baku with some muscley dancer types throwing Eleftheria around the place, the bit where she stands on a dancer's back in the video is just Ouch, but the song itself isn't anything to write home about. The interesting thing will be seeing who does better between Eleftheria and her Greek X-Factor rival Ivi Adamou (representing Cyprus) considering they're both helming similar songs and both feature in semi-final 1. It's all to play for but you have to think Greece will come out on top due to sheer success in previous years... Odds of Winning: 30/1 - let's face it Greece always do well, without fail. This year will be no different so expect a Top 10 finish. http://youtu.be/isPtzi5cxBg Nina Zilli - L'amore e femmina (Italy) After an extended hiatus from the competition Italy surprised veryone by returning last year with a proper jazz number, becoming the jury voters' golden child and beating off the favourites coming in 2nd place. No surprises then that they're predicted for big things again at Baku. This time around they've sent a more accessible bouncy number L'amore e femmina by Amy Winehouse look-a-like Nina Zilli. Originally the song was sung completely in Italian, perfect for a rom-action film soundtrack during a scene involving riding Vespas through the streets of Rome, and the language barrier wasn't really an issue beacause Italian is quite a nice sounding language anyways. Italy, on the other hand, felt that wouldn't do so interspersed is a whole load of english baloney which makes less sense than it should. Still Nina is clearly an accomplised performer having been scouted out from the huge Italian music festival/competition Sanremo which is a phenomenon over there so it waits to be seen how this will take to the Eurovision stage. Odds of Winning: 8/1 - I would have agreed with this before they did the English/Italian version but now it's not nearly as memorable and it will potentially lose jury votes. http://youtu.be/1K8PB8eIy50 Kurt Calleja - This Is The Night (Malta) It is true that some countries just don't get anywhere regardless of the entry they send and, unfortunately, Malta is one of those having struggled to qualify in the last ten years and usually coming last if they do. Kurt Calleja is hoping to change that with This Is The Night which follows the blueprint of many different chart hits to make a song combining evrything in a last ditch attempt to qualify. We get some disco guitar in the verses (Moves Like Jagger ahoy), an extremely pedestrian dubstep breakdown (many many songs in recent years) and a whole lot of early 00's delivery ie. it's quite a cheesy number. Still, Kurt has a huge quiff to rival Jedward's, some rain/puddle action and likes wearing bow ties so that's something. The generic-ness could work in its favour or it could get completely swamped by disco grannies, greek hotties and the plentitude of ballads. Malta will definitely have their fingers crossed (though probably not to actually win because they're only a small island - it'd be chaos). Odds of Winning: 150/1 - far too generic to go anywhere and Malta have a notoriously hard time of it. DNQ me thinks. http://youtu.be/cjhBsCop3Ys Pastora Soler - Quedate conmigo (Spain) You know I did a big ballad section a few weeks ago? Well, this is potentially the ballad to watch this year and, suprisingly, it's by Spain who have done the worst out of the Big 6 countries in recent years probably because they refuse to sing in english (I personally find the spanish songs quite pleasant so clearly Europe is missing a trick). After a few carnival-esque entries we've got Pastora Soler and Quedate conmigo, one of those ballads where you're left guessing where the next key change/higher note than before will be and it's stunning. Starting softly with a stirring string section, it kicks into full pelt tear-stained emote land halfway through without ending up sounding like screeching cats and it reminds me of Celine Dion ballads of the nineties with a sprinkling of modern Adele-ness. Pastora is usually a flamenco-pop kinda girl so it will be interesting to see if she can manage the performance style needed for a ballad but Spain have got their best chance of a win in ages here. Odds of Winning: 20/1 - has slowly wiggled it's way up the odds and seems to be getting hype from somewhere. Spain will be hoping this is the year they flourish after years of disappointment. http://youtu.be/fL-s0eRRYTE Can Bonomo - Love Me Back (Turkey) Aah Turkey, Turkey, Turkey. What do you call this? Well it's Can Bonomo performing an arabian sea-shanty with one of the most excrutiating extended metaphors of recent years - namely that of ships, steering into your bay (geez, it's not a Carry On Film) and lonely sailors. The music in Love Me Back is actually quite cool in its middle eastern style (all flutes, drums and trumpet spurts) but I have no idea what the lyrics are rambling on about and the the vocal delivery is... well... annoying. It's a strange one because Turkey seem to be very hit and miss when it comes to success at Eurovision. In 2009 we had Hadise and her belly dancing Dum Tek Tek which went well, 2010 maNga came 2nd with some steel grinding robot lady whereas last year Turkey failed to qualify, perhaps the biggest shock of last year (not because it was good but that Turkey generally do quite well). This year it could go either way and the odds seem in their favour but don't be suprised if lightning strikes this ship twice... Odds of Winning: 50/1 - usually do extremely well like Greece but DNQ last year so who knows? Hopefully another DNQ considering the lazy song effort. http://youtu.be/7PneOwzMz4M

So that's it, we're literally just waiting for the show to start now. Oh ok that's not quite it, I still haven't mentioned a good third of the entries yet. Before you fret that I'm about to do another one of these 5-entry round-ups (I'll spare you don't worry), i'll just give you a link to each remaining countries' video and a less-than-ten-words description in case you have a busy schedule and sitting through another half hour's worth of randomness isn't your thing. Enjoy and I'll be seeing you next week for the start of the insanity. :D

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Semi Final 1Latvia - Mid-Tempo Ego boost with annoyingly catchy chorus. Switzerland - Dodgy accented U2 featuring some mumbling. Belgium - Teen Girl ballad about empty houses? Israel - Alex Turner stuck in crazy Arabic clown tent. Hungary - Piano-led beepy 'change yourself' anthem. Moldova - Not as interesting as last year's angry gnomes. Ireland - JEDWARD, nuff said.

Semi Final 2Macedonia - Slightly scary goth rock opera-ness. Netherlands - They have Red Indians in Holland? Belarus - See Switzerland but worse. Portugal - Accordian's playing, Tango time. Ukraine - Should've been in Space Jam, SIRENS! Slovenia - Ballad lady flanked by troop of operatic doilles. Croatia - It has guitars, strings & church bells, LAMENTATION. Estonia - Could have been in a Disney Film (Kuuuullaaaa). QualifiersAzerbaijan - Nice ethno-ballad, not a winner. United Kingdom - Englebert Meltyface goes all downbeat funeral mariachi.