TV Review: ALLEN GREGORY 1.1, "Pilot"

By Chris Swanson / November 2, 2011

rating: 0.5

I had no intention of reviewing this show. Then I saw it. Now I want revenge. There is nothing charming, witty or interesting about this show. It€™s just one horribly stupid, cringe-inducing moment after another with characters who are truly loathsome and unpleasant. You€™ve probably seen the ads for the show, so you probably know the premise. Seven-year-old Allen Gregory (voiced by Jonah Hill), is a precious twerp who gets sent to school after his father€™s boyfriend (Nat Faxon), has to stop homeschooling Allen so he can find a job. The story follows Allen (who insists on being called Allen Gregory, but I don€™t have to play by those rules), as he goes through his first day at school. To say its disastrous is to overlook other words, like horrifying, awful and unwatchable. Before the day is out, Allen finds himself meeting with the principal, a woman in her late sixties, with whom he falls massively in love and fantasizes about having sex with. This from a character who is, let me remind you, seven. He then craps his pants. For comedy. Allen decides he doesn€™t want to go back to school, but after a really bizarre meeting between his parents, the principal and some school official, and a conversation with the boyfriend, Allen ends up returning to school. And that€™s our episode. Notice I didn€™t, in this review, quote any memorable dialogue or describe my favorite scenes. That€™s because these things don€™t exist. What do exist, sadly, are the characters, two of which, Allen and his father (French Stewart), are incredibly off-putting. There is nothing at all even remotely likeable about either one. Both are basically douchebags who act like the entitled masters of the world. At one point, Allen gets food thrown in his face and rather than feeling sympathy, my first thought was, €œGood.€ Now, I€™m a big fan of most of Fox€™s other animated shows, and certain people on those shows, like, say, Stan Smith, Peter Griffin and Homer Simpson, are also jerks at times. But you can tell, even from the start, that there€™s at least something inside them that€™s worth cheering for. Failing that, they€™re usually more than funny enough to compensate for their shortcomings as people. But that€™s just not the case here. I€™d say I€™m seriously disappointed by this show, but I never had any real high hopes for it. From the first time I saw the ads, I thought it looked like crap. I€™m sorry to say that in this case, the ads didn€™t lie.