TV Review: True Blood 5.9, "Everybody Wants to Rule the World"
Not only did the two worst plots finally come to a close, but those remaining are finally coming together well. If the show can live up to all the vampire uprising hype that’s been generated all season long, it’ll be worth it.
rating: 4
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This was a big episode for the fifth season of True Blood. Not only did the two worst plots finally come to a close, but those remaining are finally coming together well. And in classic True Blood fashion there were just as many awesome moments as there were truly cringe worthy ones. The episode opened and closed with its star plot, that of The Authoritys quick descent from sociopathic vampires pretending to care about equality to sociopathic vampires really not caring about equality and in actuality proactively striving for total supremacy (hence the subtle title). Yes, it looks as though at least three of the five major TruBlood factories, Houston, Texas, Kuwait, and Japan, are all well on their way to becoming piles of rubble, as are everyones hopes that Bill is just pretending to be the captain of the SS Praise Lilith. It was so wonderful to see Tina Majorino (whose character, Molly, I too will only acknowledge as Vampire Mac) getting back into the crafty, tech savvy schemer role she fit so well on Veronica Mars. Ever since the whole, Lets trip and have a blood orgy! party started, I was curious as to why even that scarred face baby eater and Steve Newlan were included (not that Im complaining about that Russell n Steve 4ever), but Vampire Mac wasnt; well now we know why so she can try (and fail thanks to Bill) to escape The Authoritys clutches with Eric, the only sane vampire left in the world. Steven Moyers performance in this episode was either brilliant or profoundly lacking, I cant decide which, for not conveying what side Bill believes hes actually serving. If his bloody sexy-time hallucination is any indicator, Bills allegiance does lie with the Sanguinistas. I know last week I said I wished Bill would just commit to being evil instead of playing all wishy washy until the dramatic conclusion, but this doesnt seem to fit well. After Eric confronted Bill with the hilarious sarcasm with which the best parts of True Blood just ooze (Ill get to Lafayette soon), I thought the invocation of Sookie would be enough to serve as the proverbial slap to Bills face. After all, as Eric says to Bill, Youre more of a mainstreamer than Ill ever be. Yet the self-described lost Bills vision of his former faerie lover turning into that of the viscera soaked Lilith appeared to genuinely elate the character. Hopefully these last three episodes will do a better job of convincing us of Bills new identity. Maybe itll even last beyond the next woman with whom he has sex. The consequences of the global TruBlood shortage were demonstrated at Fangtasia where in addition to some fangtastic (couldnt help myself) moments between Tara and Pam (Just because we drank a bitch together does not make us Oprah and Gayle,), we were also introduced to the new vampire sheriff of area 5, Erics former position, who definitely looks like one of the vampire kids from that episode of South Park where the goth kids burn down the Hot Topic. Although I naturally hate this character for tossing Pam on the ground (cmon, her crimped hair isnt that awful), Im glad to see him as not only did his presence signify Erics rejection from The Authority, but also a very pissed off Pam whose wrath I cannot wait to see exercised. Also, the vampire monarchs lifting the ban on publicly feeding on humans? Nah, Im sure thats not a huge sign for big trouble. The Pam and Tara plot had begun to drag and Im thinking this will keep it from growing entirely stale, kind of like a narrative Zip-lock bag. Speaking of things rotting into putrid piles of puss, Everybody scored big twice by finally closing out the ifrit and hate group stories, finally. Both these plots skewered the only two decent human men in Bon Temps and each did so while attempting genuine social satire but only succeeding in insulting those Im assuming the writers meant to defend. Revealing the awkward evil doll/baby Michael/slave ghost plot from last season as an equally awkward dip into the circumstances of Terrys PTSD has been a big giant misstep since day one. Slapping a supernatural element on this very real issue was a bad move to begin with but now it appears that True Blood wishes to end this travesty with the conclusion that Blood paid for blood, is a nice tagline for war. At least Arlene and Terry are back together, though Im sure well have to hear about the emotional ramifications of Terry shooting his former commander in the head. Hopefully itll be less painful than learning what an ifrit is. Then theres the anti-supe hate group who has apparently earned the nickname Obamas, which I thought was in bad taste even before the audience was explicitly told the group was modeling itself after the Ku Klux Klan. Just as the sheriffs deputy with the unfortunate awesome southern drawl said when its asked why the hate group members wear Obama masks, Its supposed to be patriotic or ironic or somethin. Even the writers themselves admit they had no real idea what a hate group wearing Obama masks meant, but they knew it would be at least approximate to making some kind of political statement, right? So I know you all were praying hard that Maxine Fortenberry was going to turn out to be the hate group leader (personally I thought itd be the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld get it? Supe Nazi? Ehh, you kids these days), but instead it turned out to be the Louisiana line dancing champion and mistress of former Sheriff Bud Dearborne, Sweetie DesArts. Terrible name, right? Doesnt matter, after Sookie went to Dearborne for answers about her parents murder, shes subsequently knocked out, tied up with Hoyt (if he doesnt survive Im going to lose my shit), and thrown to some hungry hungry hippos hogs before being saved by Sam and the Sheriffs Department whom promptly shut that shit show down as Luna beat the hell out of the hate groups mammoth matriarch and as we all know, once you punch racism in the face a bunch of times, it stays down. For as hastily wrapped up and vapid as this plot turned out to be, its almost been worth it to have brought together so many disparate characters. Plus Andy learned hes not the worst sheriff ever and we all got to hear him say, Pigs?! again and that was just such a wonderful throwback to season two that Im all right with it. Even the werewolves of Shreveport have been wrangled into the fold. It was great seeing Russell and Talbot Steve Newlin sharing a moment on their way to the wolf meeting to rally the canine troops for whats shaping up to be a three episode focus on the vampire uprising about to take place. Even better was hearing Russell using his original accent when reminding JD what a tool he is. Also, Emma, Lunas wolf daughter whose appearances these last few episodes have been relegated to a perpetual state of cute wolf because I suppose cute wolf puppies are less expensive to have around set than children, has now been given to Steve Newlan as a pet. I was really looking forward to seeing the Odd Couple reboot starring Russell and Steve but now Im pretty sure Sam, Luna, Alcide, and maybe even Martha are going to utterly annihilate the good reverend. The only character to not benefit from this recent narrative efficiency boost is Alcide whom the audience watched drive home to Jackson, Mississippi with his tail between his legs and have a flashback which contrasted Alcides communal roots with his current perpetual lone wolf status. I loved how in the flashback Alcides dad totally breaks down why werewolves suck. I suppose this could serve as Alcides gradual farewell from the True Blood stage but as that would make too much sense and I suspect the HBO offices would be mobbed by angry fans afraid to never see a shirtless Alcide again, Im guessing this is supposed to be set up for when Alcide returns to save the Shreveport pack (and maybe the world?) from vampire apocalypse (quick, would that make a better bad movie title or bad band name?). Like Jasons battle with sex addiction, were-panthers, and faerie temporal shifts, it looks like maybe Lafayette has been relegated to a more supportive background role. Its a shame how the ratio of Lafayettes screen time to his snarkiness has been so off balance, but if I have to pick between the two, Lafayette charging Sookie $100 to tell ghosts that they aint cute takes the prize. As mentioned, it looks as though these last few episodes of the season are going to hopefully benefit from some rare singular focus. If they can live up to all the hype thats been generated all season long, itll be worth it.