10 Dumbest Ways WWE Wrestlers Lost Matches
DERP!
Good Christ almighty is wrestling absolutely bloody stupid.
At its best, obviously, we forget about that, and immerse ourselves in the majesty of a show like no other. The Irish whip, really silly when scrutinised, mirrors our sense of dazzlement when performed by two masters at the emotional height of a rivalry. What comes next? A crunching lariat? A sumptuous dropkick delivered from an awe-inspiring height? A duck-behind reversal as a segue into a brutal suplex? The very best performers craft a fusion of spectacle and athleticism to keep the audience guessing, with hearts in mouths, simulating an idiosyncratic and breathless form of combat that is at once fantastical and credible. There really is nothing like pro wrestling when pro wrestling is done right. Nothing.
At its worst, WWE in particular does so much to undermine the painstaking graft between the ropes. Think of it like a pendulum; so silly is the central premise of sports entertainment that the swing back from one direction often obliterates the other. The political need to protect a performer often requires that his opponent looks like an idiot.
The irony is that this idiocy, magnified by WWE's lens, becomes all-encompassing...
10. "Same Old T*ts! Same Old T*ts!"
On the May 10, 1999 RAW, Sable defended her Women's Championship opposite Debra in an Evening Gown match. After absolutely no action whatsoever, Sable tore Debra's gown off to retain. The sex object was distracted by stupid sexy Val Venis, and humiliated in public. End scene.
Only, that's not how the segment ended. Moonlighting babyface Commissioner Shawn Michaels, the man who helped put the Wrestling in the World Wrestling Federation, was naturally upset at the way in which the match ended. He demanded a restart, promising the fans an athletic contest, in the spirit of sportsmanship, which was to end decisively after the better woman outwrestled the other.
No he didn't.
He stripped the title from Sable, shutt down the protests of her manager Nicole Bass by calling her a bloke, and awarded the title to Debra on the basis that her breasts - sorry, puppies - were nicer than Sable's. Besides which, he'd already seen those puppies before. Boring! This is the wrestling Bayley and Sasha Banks grew up on, and yet still decided to become wrestlers. Lucky for them, the landscape changed, and women are presented as pure athletes in 2018.
Pure athletes whose achievements are credited to Stephanie McMahon, but pure wrestlers all the same.