10 Easy Ways Of Injecting Realism Into WWE
That gorilla position must be fairly crowded.
When WWE Hall of Famer Stone Cold Steve Austin dispenses booking advice, it would be incumbent on WWE Creative to remove the wool from their thick f*cking ears and say:
"What?"
Austin did change the course of the industry with an improvised promo, after all. Ranting on Taz's podcast back in 2015, Austin bemoaned the 'orators' in today's WWE, saying that they should, in order for fans to believe in them, believe themselves in what they're saying with 'conviction in their heart and soul'.
WWE has long since lost interest in preserving realism, in promos and elsewhere. As far back as 1989, Vince McMahon infuriated the wrestling community by blowing the lid off its worst kept secret. In an attempt to deregulate the industry, he officially declared that it was predetermined. It took a long time for that decision to affect the product, which was once framed as somewhat plausible in the context of an athletic competition - but the rot has set in. We aren't petitioning for WWE to reinvent itself as the UWF-i - even in this era of the ******1/4 match, the E is more important than the second W in WWE - but is it too much to ask that RAW General Manager Kurt Angle has something pencilled in for the 15:00-30:00 minute slot?
What would happen if a heel dipsh*t didn't book himself into a match during the opening segment?
10. Clear The Gorilla Position
The main offender in WWE's anti-pro wrestling, pro-sports entertainment crusade is the opening clusterf*ck segment seen on almost every episode of RAW and SmackDown. Take this week's opening segment for example, in which Finn Bálor interrupted Braun Strowman's introductory promo. It's just as well he was donned in his wrestling gear because, despite not appearing on a nonexistent call sheet, Kurt Angle booked him into a match with the Monster Among Men...
"...right now!"
He must have just been swanning around nearby, ready to cue up the sound guy because, in a fortuitous coincidence, his music blared up as well. That, or his DNA triggered a sensor near gorilla after he parted the curtain. That is a facetious assessment, obviously, but WWE's hysterically contrived match-making process - so easily resolved by simply announcing cards in advance under the pretence of an actual plan - invites apathy and suspicion.
There are several deflating aspects to this trope. So many unanswerable questions. Why don't authority figures have a schedule planned out for their incredibly expensive television production? What would Angle have done, had Bálor not decided to essentially book himself into a match?
Why must every single opening segment ruin suspension of disbelief, setting a dire tone for the remainder of the broadcast?