10 Most Bizarre WWF Hasbro Figures
Drastic and fantastic plastic.
Funny thing, nostalgia. Even though Hasbro's line of early-'90s WWF action figures had little by way of articulation, often featured grossly exaggerated, cartoonish faces (many bearing scant resemblance to their fleshy counterparts), and paintwork that would chip away at the first simulated slam, the 4.5" toys have become far and away the most beloved by wrestling fans of a particular vintage.
Me included. There was a point in my life when wrestling couldn't have been further from the forefront of my mind, yet I still couldn't resist salivating at the sight of the green card Adam Bomb appearing with a misguidedly low reserve on eBay. That's when I learnt what my student loan was for.
So it should come as no real surprise to learn that, alongside almost every wrestling fan who grew up in the nineties, I was knocked giddy by the news that Mattel are set to release a range of 'old school' figures in the mould of the Hasbro classics. I'd had fantasies to this effect for years. I wonder which of my other implausible dreams are set to materialise? (I had one where I was being chased down a pier by Noel Edmonds, so I hope it's not that one.)
With the news, I've dug out my increasingly musty box of little plastic grapplers in order to study them for the express purposes of writing about the most bizarre entries in the range. I wasn't playing with them. I'm nearly thirty. Unrelatedly, I'm unmarried.
10. Doink The Clown
You don't even need to ask what makes this figure so bizzare: it's the curly green hair. The curly green hair!
Protruding from the evil jester's head, and made from the same nylon fabric as a My Little Pony's mane, the curls establish Series 9's Doink as part wrestling figure, part doll, all peculiar.
Come on, own up: who amongst you couldn't resist combing Matt Borne's verdant afro as though he were a Barbie? None of you? Curious. How about staving off the almost irrepressible urge to shave the mop clean from the clown's scalp? The temptations were endless.
But the green wig isn't the only thing that makes Doink a somewhat bizarre figure. During one of the character's early programmes opposite Crush, Doink was lumbered with a plaster cast on his arm, which he latterly used to beat the b*llocks out of the Hawaiian hulk. But judging from the toy's disfigured left arm, perhaps the evil clown wasn't malingering in the lead up to laying a beating on the Kona crusher. Just look at the state of it!