10 Things Wrong With Every Episode Of WWE Raw
The Chore Zone.
WWE is hyping this week's edition of Monday Night RAW as a "blockbuster" - and for once, it might live up to the hype.
Both Shawn Michaels and The Undertaker are scheduled to appear on it - and the latter segment, in particular, is near impossible to predict. Rumours of the Undertaker's WrestleMania involvement have been centred almost entirely on John Cena. Those with a more optimistic disposition might let themselves believe AJ Styles has done enough to earn such a major match, but in either event, neither of those men are exclusive to RAW. 'Taker might simply announce his intention to enter the Rumble match, doing so on RAW as a smokescreen - but this different development is welcome, regardless, because RAW has reached peak tedium in recent months.
That just this one episode of RAW is anticipated proves the rule; a bloated, illogical mess, it doesn't just repeat the same action, week on week. Viewers can't even be trusted to remember what happened three minutes prior.
Would you watch a prestige TV drama, in excess of an hour in length, in which literally half the characters speak with the same voice, in which the characters are positioned on the same part of the chess board, week on week, in which the same scenes get repeated, often month on month?
No. That would be abysmal...
10. Mandated Clusterf*ck Segment
As the last initial in the company name attests, WWE is not overly concerned with presenting itself with much in the way of realism.
Effectively every episode of RAW begins with an interview of some sort, which is invariably interrupted. If Wrestler A is feuding with Wrestler B, and A opens the show, B will put a stop to it, often just minutes later. Logic dictates that they must have been standing in the Gorilla position together moments earlier, at which point, by rights, they should have been at one another's throats - but disregard that. That 'E' apparently excuses illogic. If A and B are unable to agree to disagree, the Authority Figure (X) will intervene.
There is some deviation within the formula - X might appear first, followed swiftly by A, then B. If the creative team is feeling really adventurous, they might even unleash an A, X, B combo - but the end result remains the same; a fifteen minute, patently scripted promo which sets up the night's main event, next months's Pay Per View headliner, or both.
That E stands for Entertainment - but there's nothing entertaining about an overlong segment which, irrespective of monotony, could be accomplished, easily, in half the time. Some of the best promos in wrestling history barely approached five minutes. There's a lesson in there somewhere.